Relationship Worrier Pillows

Chronic anxiety - 'Martha, we have been happily married for fifty two years now. When is the other shoe going to drop?'

'And lastly, I resolve to be a better listener in the new year...'

Mental Wellness Center. Some folks coming here are working on multiple issues. Earlier, I saw a germaphobe with a fear of flying. Using an airplane bathroom must be completely out of the question! There's a narcissist with math anxiety and a fear of public speaking. He hopes one day he can stand in front of a large audience and count all the wonderful qualities he believes he has. And that guy has claustrophobia combined with a fear of success. Looks like he's going through a rough period

Nervous Oral Testing

She - Interpreter - He.

"Dammit Harold, you know I hate that mask!"

'Your wife says you act like a fool. I thought you said she never pays attention to you.'

Sulk Shows

"You kept me awake all night, grinding your gums."

"I fell in love with her. Then she mutated."

Counselor. It's annoying that he always has to have the second-to-last word

"I think I'm as patient as the next person, but my husband wouldn't stop saying 'yo,' so I shot him."

"Returning to standard time is always difficult. I gain an hour of worrying."

Things that go beep in the night.

'But do you realize what this report cart will do to my self-esteem?'

"Double whammy. My weight now exceeds my credit score."

"He can never take anything serious. Everything's a joke."

"Marriage is driving me crazy and she's my designated driver!"

A poem: With daylight's shift, winter draws near...

"Grandma! What big medical bills you have!"

"Could you speak a little louder? I'm recording this."

"Before I say, I do. Just let me run those vows past my best lawyer."

Attack of the 65 - Inch Woman

It's not always a good idea for two contrarians like you to be together. You hear that, you old battle-axe? Yeah, I hear that, you old coot. That'll be $150.

'I'm not convinced you need tranquillizers to switch phone provider.'

"The economy doesn’t make me half as nervous as my kids do."

Diplomacy

'It's always about you isn't it, George? Wouldn't you like to hear about the terrible day I've had for a change?'

"My seven-year-old is a prince, but my forty-seven-year-old is a pain in the ass."

'Whenever he feels under attack, he calls for backup.'

"You don't have to say anthing, but anything you do say may later be used in court by a divorce lawyer."

Mixed Marriage: Downhill Racer.

"He's fluent in 24 computer languages and never says a bloody word to me."

'Climate change seems to be a real thing... in the past, our money was sufficient till the 25th of a month. Nowadays, it's melted away on the 15th.'

"You always insist on having the last word!" "Sorry!"