Relationship Entertainer Pillows

'Why don't you leave the planning of our wedding to me?'

'Here you go, kid! A worm.'

"We have three house blends: 'One More Chance', 'Forget About It' or 'I'll See You In Fun Court'."

A Guide to Balloon Animals

"Will you stand by him through humiliating revelation after humiliating revelation, and then-once you're sure it couldn't possibly get any worse-when even more humiliating revelations come to light?"

"It's not the social stigma. It's the mercury."

"I just love the way you're so endlessly inventive in the bedroom."

"Let's talk film or let's not talk film - I'm easy."

"According to this article, snoring can result in justifiable homicide."

"I said I'd give you the world, didn't I?"

'Well, thanks, but we have no need of a Divorce Lawyer: We're Lovebirds you see...'

'He does.'

"Maybe we should have just had a baby..."

'No, I'm the marriage counselor. What you need is the semantics counselor down the hall.'

"You really ought to cut down on your scream time."

'Stop staring and make a wish!'

"My wife thought the phrase 'stick it to the man' meant everyone, hence we're divorced. My new girlfriend and I met at a party. She's krazy, man. We bonded right away and now she's pregnant. It's a squeeze top. My brother's in rehab for sniffing. He never could get his nose out of my business."

"I'm Lester Holt, and this, is date night."

'... And it's been ages since he last swashed his buckle!'

"See that stain? My wife did that, not me. All her, totally her fault."

"The new revenue stream is finally kicking in."

Clown Cheering Up Patient.

'So one day I thought, I'll teach you brats to laugh at me!'

When at a loss for words Colin would often resort to communicating through the medium of contemporary dance.

Tunnel of Temporary Infatuation

'Is that 'forsaking all others' bit compulsory?'

Always Compatible

'Oh, look - a juggling stilt-walker painting that little child's face!'

"Well, this isn't really going anywhere if you don't like public displays of affection."

I think you'll find that I'm easily encouraged. For instance, the fact that the two exclamation points above your head are tempered by one question mark gives me great hope. !?!

'Don't blame me -- You're the one who had to have more personal space!'

"I've learned something about you tonight, Alan. You say 'chowmein' when you mean 'lomein'."

'The way we met was interesting. I opened my wallet and there she was!'

Clown Wife

Baxter Higgleton, word balloon artist.