Romantic Entertainer Pillows

'Silly me, I brought the wrong book -- You two just swore an oath of celibacy.'

Ed's super-romantic but he's always a police detective. He calls our love 'consensual identity theft.'

"Pick any number between one and sixty seconds."

"Not now, my love. I'm feeling preminstrel."

"Do you want to suddenly decide we need a waffle maker?"

"I've been out of the dating scene a long time. Is kissing still a thing?"

'Why don't you leave the planning of our wedding to me?'

Glyndebourne

Jewellers - "If you really love your wife to be, then money should be no object."

'How much would you take off for cash?'

"I'm going to run away and join the circus. Not one of those big, tacky ones—something more European and intimate."

"In closing, I'd just like to say you've been a great crowd, folks. Don't forget to tip your waitress, and I hope this final number breaks your heart the way show business broke mine."

'You forgot your glasses again, didn't you?'

Banana

"...and are you, Jessica, committed to this bit?"

Roller Coasters

We met online.

Pottery Slam

'I know you love her and want to protect her. But it's wrong to laminate her.'

"Let there be light hors d'oeuvres."

You mixed your DNA with that of a carrot? I've created a giant loud-mouthed left-leaning vegetable. Some would say that's redundant. Very funny. It's worse that that. The carrot doesn't share just my politics … You smell beautiful, like ranch dressing on a spring day. I do like a tall vegetable.

'Darling, this is my ex. You know, the one I said you were twice the man of.'

"I guess your reputation for tipping has preceded you!"

'Sharing the same skin-type is fine. But, as a basis for a stable marriage...'

"If he doesn't like the hand puppet routine, I'll try running the burning bush idea by him."

And do you, Sue, believe this is the best you can do? / It was a simple ceremony. Perhaps a little too simple.

'Why do I have the felling that your parents don't trust me?'

"So, tell me, how many guys have you slept with?"

"As long as we're renewing our vows anyway, I've come up with a few new ones."

'You were so right about twin beds spicing things up.'

Unemployed man given role as the 'gluten fairy'.

Dating Rule #1. Repeat after me: I need some space. I need some space. Got it. Good. Make sure you tell that to Laurel all the time. But

It sounds like you have a lot of baggage. Yes, but it's all Louis Vuitton! Menu.

"I'm afraid antibiotics aren't of much use for a broken heart!"

Ask Sadie. Sadie, I live with my husband, but I'm in love with another man. Do you think my husband will let him move in with us? Signed, Anonymous. *Actual reader letter. This really is a questions for Rudy. What? That's ridiculous. Sure, does your iPhone know you've got an Android on the side? SHUT UP! You still got it, you sexy octogenarian. Listen to me, baby, the Android means nothing to me.