Relationship Entertainer Gifts

'Why don't you leave the planning of our wedding to me?'

'Here you go, kid! A worm.'

"We have three house blends: 'One More Chance', 'Forget About It' or 'I'll See You In Fun Court'."

A Guide to Balloon Animals

"It's not the social stigma. It's the mercury."

"Will you stand by him through humiliating revelation after humiliating revelation, and then-once you're sure it couldn't possibly get any worse-when even more humiliating revelations come to light?"

"I just love the way you're so endlessly inventive in the bedroom."

"Let's talk film or let's not talk film - I'm easy."

"According to this article, snoring can result in justifiable homicide."

'Well, thanks, but we have no need of a Divorce Lawyer: We're Lovebirds you see...'

'No, I'm the marriage counselor. What you need is the semantics counselor down the hall.'

"Maybe we should have just had a baby..."

'He does.'

'Stop staring and make a wish!'

"My wife thought the phrase 'stick it to the man' meant everyone, hence we're divorced. My new girlfriend and I met at a party. She's krazy, man. We bonded right away and now she's pregnant. It's a squeeze top. My brother's in rehab for sniffing. He never could get his nose out of my business."

Clown Cheering Up Patient.

'... And it's been ages since he last swashed his buckle!'

"The new revenue stream is finally kicking in."

"See that stain? My wife did that, not me. All her, totally her fault."

'So one day I thought, I'll teach you brats to laugh at me!'

When at a loss for words Colin would often resort to communicating through the medium of contemporary dance.

Always Compatible

'Is that 'forsaking all others' bit compulsory?'

"Well, this isn't really going anywhere if you don't like public displays of affection."

"I honored her every request except for the last one: 'Harold, please stop making a scene'."

'Whaddya mean, 'Quit hogging the blanket'? There's a blanket in here?

Tunnel of Temporary Infatuation

'The way we met was interesting. I opened my wallet and there she was!'

Baxter Higgleton, word balloon artist.

Clown Wife

'Don't blame me -- You're the one who had to have more personal space!'

'Oh, look - a juggling stilt-walker painting that little child's face!'