Relationship Argument Pillows

"Sorry about pocket dialing you last night... And then pocket texting, and then pocket emailing, and then pocket leaving angry voicemails, and then..."

"Agamemnon and Clytemnestra have decided to separate amicably."

'Oh, Arthur...You sweet, blind, mad, dear, silly fool....Don't you see it could never last?'

"I feel we haven't moved beyond parallel play."

"My monthly screen time went up from 62 hours to ‘Holy #@!*’."

"In my life, I've had seven cars, six jobs, five houses, four bypass operations, and three wives!"

"Darling, I think we need to talk about where this relationship is going..." Male evolution.

"Do you want to suddenly decide we need a waffle maker?"

"Harold, you've changed."

'When he said it would be 'me and him against the world' I had no idea everyone was already mad at him.'

"Yeah. But he's a handful."

'Well I wouldn't have to fake orgasms if you didn't fake foreplay!'

'I don't like Gerald as a person, but I like him as a concept.'

"Why can't you just learn to floss like other men?"

'Charles, you're carrying this 'king of the castle' business too far!'

"Helen, I have decided to seek a change of venue, since it has grown increasingly obvious that I can no longer get a fair trial in this household."

"I want to get married and start a family with you—although God knows who I'll want to finish it with."

'After sex he checks his cell phone messages.'

"Believe me when I tell you that I'm not that honest."

"Do we go out or do we stay home and open a can of worms?"

"I've learned something about you tonight, Alan. You say 'chowmein' when you mean 'lomein'."

It is believed dear Jack finally figured out women. Trouble is, he died laughing before he could tell anybody.

Strangers. friends. Lovers. Spouse.

"Why won't you cuddle?"

"Out of all your 277 passwords, not once did you use my name. Are you losing feelings for me?"

"Are you growing that mustache to make me break up with you?"

'Interesting article in Nature this week - apparently love's not a wave, it's a particle.'

"She said, 'I'll go if you go,' and I said, 'I'll go if you go,' and here we are."

"What flower says you're sorry without admitting wrongdoing?"

"I like an attentive lover, but these feedback forms are ridiculous."

'Take this stick-drive and open the file 'John's Emotional Baggage'. It'll save a lot of time.'

Tunnel of like.

"Cheese is just a substitute for the love you've never given me."