Rehab Raconteur Gifts

'I'm just out of rehab...texting addiction.'

"I'm in this dynamite twelve-step program that helps me not miss steps in my other twelve-step programs."

'No.... My cat doesn't like being given pills either...'

"I wrote a poem, even though I'm on vacation."

Substance Abuse Seminar: How Not To Get Hooked!

'In the doctor's defense, there have been no serious post operative complications.'

"Here they come: Detox and Botox."

I'm a gangster rap fan too!

"You bet I had it mounted, it gave me the best fight of my life."

"Can you send me a detailed list of knee exercises I could do at home but won't because I have no discipline."

"Seriously, this can't be the only stretch you know."

"I'll need a three iron."

"And they'll remain in captivity until they are fully rehabilitated and able to fly again."

"I'll give you 3 to 1 nobody else turns up."

'He's still on a tether from his incarceration, but one day he hopes to go wireless.'

Addiction Research Centre.

"She made her hat in rehab."

"Yeah, he's in rehab, but for the right role I can spring him."

'I think my work here is done.'

'They tried to make me go to rehab, but I said no no no.'

'Exercise is good for your rehabilitation, you can start by cleaning the toilets.'

'Dear Abby: I continually find myself asking for advice from complete strangers. Please help.'

'...and so, after rehab, Snow White married the prince, and lived one day at a time ever after.'

Twelve step program.

'Taking up knitting has been good therapy for you.'

'Does it hurt when I do this?'

"Whatever you do in there all day is fine with me, so long as it's not writing a memoir."

'Suspence, intrigue, deceit, vice...the annual report.'

Probation Officer

Social Networking Anonymous 12 Step Program.

'Well yes there was life before television but it didn't amount to much. . .'

'Alchohol alone is responsible for your problems.'

'Note to self... remove slot machine before next meeting.'

Snorting lines of the road on the way to rehab.

'Howdy, Millie, how's your incontinence?'