Rehab Graduate Gifts

'Before I quit I couldn't even spell rehabilitation.'

'I've already been recruited by one of the top fast-food chains in the country!'

Substance Abuse Seminar: How Not To Get Hooked!

"Maps to stars' rehab centers."

Humpty Dumpty in Occupational Therapy

"Here they come: Detox and Botox."

Cranial-Metal Plate Surgery Centre

"Cops don't get me. Sure, they got me – but they'll ever get me."

"It's my 30-day chip. One month catnip free."

'Unfortunately our definition of 'job' differs.'

"Can you send me a detailed list of knee exercises I could do at home but won't because I have no discipline."

Graduate

Practical joke, violent offender rehab center: 'Relate to me!'

"Seriously, this can't be the only stretch you know."

"And they'll remain in captivity until they are fully rehabilitated and able to fly again."

Physiotherapist tells Humpty Dumpty: 'OK, you've had a great fall, but we'll have you back on that wall in no time.'

'An MBA from Harvard is quite impressive. But you'll still have to start off at the bottom here. You start serving coffee in the cafeteria on Monday.'

"Were you referred to us by your doctor or publicist?"

Addiction Research Centre.

Man drunk and unconscious in the street

'I remember when you were this high!'

Real Hopscotch: 'A 12-Step Program for the addiction to scotch.'

"Prose & Cons."

The Seeing-Eye Squirrel

"You can never escape from yourself."

"She made her hat in rehab."

"Yeah, he's in rehab, but for the right role I can spring him."

'They tried to make me go to rehab, but I said no no no.'

40 minutes in this position

Woman feeding pigeons crumbs, man feeding children crack.

"When I google myself, the only thing that comes up is my arrest record."

'Taking up knitting has been good therapy for you.'

"In terms of career guidance, access to A-list talent, and studio relationships, you couldn't sign with a better rehab clinic."

Bob walked away from the halfway house – but only got halfway.

"Farewell - I don't have to stay here anymore - I'm rehabilitated."