Redecorating Home Gifts

"My feng-shui consultant placed Harold in the closet."

"I've never seen a home this green, Mr. Edmund. As far as I can see, the paint's not flaking, your house is pollinating."

"Hmm, I'm not sure... let me see it in the corner again."

"Do you have any caffeine free coffee tables?"

Let's get organized

"I spilled a red dot of paint, so I painted the whole room so you wouldn't notice it."

Cocktails on the verandah.

"Maybe we should cut back on those lawn catalogues."

"What's that? I asked for a teal lichen. That's a brown thread. Are you trying to upset me?"

Santa Claus's Mail

'Make sure you pretend to water it.'

'Fine stencilling. But have you never thought - Tit Willow, Tit Willow, Tit Willow?'

"Don't worry about your purchase not working. Everything we sell here is totally non-functional."

'You say 'dead.' I say 'low maintenance.''

Painting by the numbers for adults

Maybe I should have measured my garden before going shopping....

Dog Hunting Trophies.

"This is going to make the most amazing driftwood table."

'Is that the only wallpaper you could find?!'

Christmas Tree

"I decided to go all out on the house decorations this year."

'These elves sure are helpful around the house.'

"I finally found a use for that old home repair book..."

"All in favor of destroying the throw pillow, raise your paw."

'Santa recalled thousands of toys ― he delivered them to kids who're in fact naughty.'

Adhesive Tiles: Do Not Open from this End.

Why it's bad when home owners change their minds about the bathroom's location late in a building project.

Christmas tree with wadded up lights.

Painting the Ceiling

"Make yourself comfortable on my new decorative throw rocks."

"Yes, I know they fit, it's just not what I pictured for a three car garage!"

"You don't think it's too ungapatchka?"

Happy Easter

Turd - 'It's one of a kind.'

Piranhaclaus