Recruitment Warrior Gifts

"We ran hundreds of ads, searched the state before we got her..."

"After years of cartoon rejections, Bill stooped to trying a little shameless product placement."

"That's nice, but do you have any references other than your Mom?"

"That's the last time I write my own resume!"

"Please, James...will you stop worrying whether the baby will meet all government regulations!"

"I'm so happy to be back in the workforce I'll never complain out loud again about Mondays."

"I'm long term unemployed because jerks like you won't hire me!"

"HR think we need to look again at your recruitment strategy."

"I wish you would actually sell one of these novels...all these returned manuscripts are giving me backaches!"

"Can you keep a secret, Fred? The truth is, I've never had a clue what curve it is I'm supposed to stay ahead of!"

"Seat yourself. Grab a menu. Take any table. Hey, you know how to cook?"

'I'm afraid of being left behind.'

'Refusing to fill in a psychometric test reveals a lot about you, Jones.'

"We kiss a lot of frogs so that you find your prince."

"John, does this mean you've given up looking for work?"

'I'll say one thing about your manuscript, Mr.Jackson - it's very shreddable.'

'I know we got the job, but trust me, ‘dress for success' always applies, even after the interview.'

'As you know, this is a Right-To-Work-Cheap-OR-we-send-your-job-to-Asia-state...'

"I didn't mean to burn any bridges behind me. It was just a part of my crumbling infrastructure."

"He gave me an 'F' on my resume."

'We're looking for someone who would be comfortable toiling in obscurity for at least thirty years.'

'You have a good chance of recovery, if you can make it through hospital admissions.'

'Tread carefully...it's her extended unfair dismissal qualification period.'

"I'd give you a list of references but no one will admit they know me."

The Great Out-doors

'How long have you been submitting novels, Grandad?'

'It's from the New Yorker, I've been rejected 200 times, once for each word.'

Adult Crime, Not Adult Logic

The Sleep of Reason Produces Bureaucracy

"I see you have a master's degree and have served 73 unpaid internships. Do you think you're ready for a salaried job?'

City Dump: Resumes.

"Well, you're both strong candidates with very similar résumés so we've decided to settle the matter through hand to hand combat."

For a good impression, Jack tired to maintain eye contact.

"We were actually looking to recruit more cats."

"I see you graduated Summa Cum Laude, but then didn't your whole graduating class."