Recovering From Dental Work Gifts

'I'm having my teeth fixed.' 'I collect them this afternoon.'

'I don't believe it. Five minutes after he gets the darn thing, he has an arrest!'

'He's been like this ever since he had his laser eye treatment.'

"She fell down stairs again, so this is her third hip."

The operation was going extremely well, but then very unexpectedly, he got trampled.

'Oh, believe me -- you don't want to hear it in layman's terms!'

No caption. (Man wearing a cast is in traction. He imagines sheep lining up to jump fence. Sheep also wear casts.)

'He usually doesn't follow medical advice, but when the doctor told him to learn to relax...'

"How was my day? I'm still calculating the little victories minus the humiliations I normally suffer."

'The funny part is that the aerial was fine -- the TV set was just unplugged!'

"Please, doc, pull the plug. Not on me...on the TV!"

'Thanks, but I don't expect you to chew my food for me.'

En garde!

"Picasso: Post cataract surgery."

"She keeps getting a stitch in her side."

"I never imagined I'd be up on my feet this soon."

'I did have a tummy-tuck...But I opted for reconstruction surgery at the same time.'

"These are X-Rays of your operation, and this is a selfie I took with your gall bladder."

"I don't want any old ones, I want my own back..."

Well, the doctor said you have to wear it until you stop biting your stitches.

"I just can't get over how well you look!"

While you're at it, will you sew on my shirt button please?

"I expect a speedy recovery,"

'Henry had a successful animal organ transplant - isn't that right, Henry?'

'Despite his laser eye surgery, he still doesn't see the mess he leaves in the living room every day.'

'It will be a difficult adjustment, but it doesn't mean you can't still live a full and rewarding life, say, in the library, or even a miniature golf course.'

EAR, NOSE AND THROAT CLINIC: "You want me to drive?"

Your heart is doing well with the pig valve we put in. Now, what was your question?

"The colonoscopy isn't your eternal punishment...the prep is."

"I did seize the day. But then it seized me right back and used some kind of jujitsu move to flip me on my ass."

'In the doctor's defense, there have been no serious post operative complications.'

Rip Van Winkle, "He's survived the operation, now he's sleeping peacefully."

'I've found the blockage it looks like your gastric band!'

'You'd look sad too if there had been a strong earthquake during your vasectomy.'

'Every pacemaker recipient is required to carry jumper cables...'