Record Collectors Gifts

'Oldest living turkey? I'll see if we have that category.'

'Sir, we're just not reaching them. Only a small percentage of people own vinyl records, and hardly anyone thinks to play them backwards.'

Islington Angels.

Robert Fripp

Gramophone dreams of mp3 player.

"I only like their bad albums – the good ones are too commercial."

Large print rock'n'roll section

Jimi Hendrix.

"Apparently the Ebola virus can make your ears bleed."

"The guy who wrote 'The Frog Chorus' is sounding kinda croaky."

"You know you're getting old when..."

Greatest hits, Greatest Misses.

'Your drug test came back positive. Welcome aboard.'

"What are you doing?"

Groovy Baby

'Nobody pays for music anymore.'

"You're close, but you're not the record. The record for one family in one booth—all from out of state, each ordering a complete breakfast—was set in 1978, with fifteen."

Pub. This is John. He also loves obscure bands until they're popular then hates them. The Druidiots. Luckies. 50 ale.

Beatlemania: Open 24/8

"Do you have anything by The Damned."

"Queen begins with Q, it should be precisely here."

'Music & Gym'

'Howard can't come to the phone now. He's standing by for a major concert announcement.'

Robert Drake

"I feel that what would really give your next album a major boost would be some kind of well-publicized personal problem."

Gramaphone Man.

So close... Yet so far.

Music Freak.

I want to be a more interesting person. Think maybe watching old black and white movies would do it? No. What if I drank scotch and smoked a cigar and listened to vinyl records and grew a big lumberjack beard? It's what all the hipsters are doing. You're not a hipster. I'm at least a kneester. At most you're a keister.

"The Who used to smash up their instruments after their shows — have you ever considered that?"

Mick Jagger

Even cowgirls get the blues. 'Well, howdy! I've been lookin' for this here B.B. King album forever!'

'If you've brought us gifts we don't want any more Des O'Connor records!'

Doug tries to impress his blind date with his expansive collection of Charo CDs.

The Music Lover.