Recently Deceased Gifts

Understanding The Other Side, Whether Men, Women, or Mice.

"It was romantic during dinner, but now it's getting kind of creepy."

Not a surprise, coming from the new boss - who looks about 6 years old.

'Oh, don't mind Jeff. It's just his turn to change the Baby's nappy.'

Couple who have confused their baby's pram and the lawn mower.

'...And do you John take Jennifer to be your lawfully wedded wife? To have and to hold, to write off on your taxes?'

'for more obit info, go to...'

"No thanks. I'm not interested in any handouts."

"I wish I'd had the eye test before I got married."

"...and are you, Jessica, committed to this bit?"

The passing of a radio/tv personality.

"The toaster your brother gave us is beginning to get on my nerves."

"You've done an absolutely fabulous job with the house, Anne, and Gordon's so improved!"

"Wake up. It says here I was right about that thing I said."

"They tell me you're a nincompoop, Henderson, but you certainly do know how to maintain a crease."

'Don't you think that this is more fun than using a breast pump?'

'This rebate check isn't big enough for both of us.'

Health and Safety to Ban Marriage

'I eventually want one to go with every outfit.'

'Stop moaning. We all have to start somewhere.'

'May I leave early today, Sir? The market is down and my wife is alone...'

"Goal!"

"Now, Harold, you know you're not supposed to hibernate angry."

"The autocorrect function is redundant for me. I'm married."

'This is my new husband Gregory -- I don't quite have all the bugs out of him yet.'

"You be the Boogey man tonight!"

"He hasn't been much of a 'prince charming' since our wedding!"

"Henpecked?! Don't get me started about being hen-pecked buddy!"

On the sea of matrimony many are over-bored.

"... and to my husband I leave f*** all!"

'I've never seen mum change these when they get empty.'

'What do you expect Marjorie, I am a grub.'

The Princess and the Penis