Recently Deceased Prints

Good news! Your exemplary life qualified you for pre-check status! You can probably guess the bad news.

Understanding The Other Side, Whether Men, Women, or Mice.

"It was romantic during dinner, but now it's getting kind of creepy."

Not a surprise, coming from the new boss - who looks about 6 years old.

Couple who have confused their baby's pram and the lawn mower.

'Oh, don't mind Jeff. It's just his turn to change the Baby's nappy.'

'...And do you John take Jennifer to be your lawfully wedded wife? To have and to hold, to write off on your taxes?'

'for more obit info, go to...'

"I wish I'd had the eye test before I got married."

"No thanks. I'm not interested in any handouts."

"He just married me on the rebound."

The passing of a radio/tv personality.

"You've done an absolutely fabulous job with the house, Anne, and Gordon's so improved!"

"I told you not to leave without taking out the garbage!"

"...and are you, Jessica, committed to this bit?"

"The toaster your brother gave us is beginning to get on my nerves."

"Wake up. It says here I was right about that thing I said."

"They tell me you're a nincompoop, Henderson, but you certainly do know how to maintain a crease."

Health and Safety to Ban Marriage

'Don't you think that this is more fun than using a breast pump?'

'This rebate check isn't big enough for both of us.'

'I eventually want one to go with every outfit.'

'Stop moaning. We all have to start somewhere.'

'May I leave early today, Sir? The market is down and my wife is alone...'

"You be the Boogey man tonight!"

"Henpecked?! Don't get me started about being hen-pecked buddy!"

"Now, Harold, you know you're not supposed to hibernate angry."

'This is my new husband Gregory -- I don't quite have all the bugs out of him yet.'

The Princess and the Penis

"He hasn't been much of a 'prince charming' since our wedding!"

On the sea of matrimony many are over-bored.

"The autocorrect function is redundant for me. I'm married."

'I've never seen mum change these when they get empty.'

"Goal!"

'What do you expect Marjorie, I am a grub.'