Someone Who Passed Away Gifts

'for more obit info, go to...'

'He was a great writer'

"I always spend New Year's surrounded by loved ones."

"Your mom needs to know that you made it here OK, and your dad wants to know if you could use a few bucks."

"We laughed. We cried. But mostly we watched TV."

'Yes, death signifies a cosmic change of address. Alas, your husband's mail will not be forwarded.'

"I know you've been together a long time, but I'm sorry... Your microbiome can't follow you in."

'Your uncle donated his brain to Harvard and, unfortunately, they used it to figure out a way to get the rest of his money.'

'Harry! - If you can hear me - what did you do with the remote!?'

'Would you like the ECG tracing of your father's death? It's the least we can do.'

"I feel terrible admitting this, but I'm sort of glad he's dead. One less thing to keep track of."

'Frank's last request was that he be cremated and that I never give up his season tickets.'

Postcards from Heaven...

John Ixon: Ran Out of Survival Tips.

"So, Gilbert was your friend who fought in Vietnam?"

'Grief counselling'

"What? Too soon?"

Here lies BoBo the Clown

Cemetery: Communicated with your loved one see Madam Zolta within.

"And now, let us view sitcom star Donnie J. Kroft's reading of his will, which was videotaped before a live studio audience."

The passing of a radio/tv personality.

"Sorry, wrong room."

"The family has spent all week crafting a beautiful service of words and pictures - far too sentimental to be of practical use."

Live Flower/Vase Flower - 'Julia?'

"Damn, I forgot to get her kugel recipe."

Even though we have to keep our distance...

"I haven't changed my facebook status."

Kathleen felt she was stuck between Iraq and a heart place.

"It might be a while, the server just crashed again."

"You know, Mother, they say dead is the new 80."

404 British military deaths in Afghanistan.

Bootmaker upset over the death of a long term customer

"I knew Heaven would be by Chanel."

'Whoa Hold up, You need to get you hand stamped,'

"It's just that they usually ask for their ASHES to be scattered!"