Recent Bereavement Gifts

'He said he was going shopping for my birthday present...A few house later a policeman came and told me that a dumpster lid fell on him...'

"As a friend, I pray you rest in peace. As a dog, I really want to dig you up."

Understanding The Other Side, Whether Men, Women, or Mice.

"Stop blaming yourself. You loved, and dedicated so much of your time. Have you considered getting another cactus?"

"I guess when your husband dies you'll really understand what they mean by a statistical death."

"I know. I miss him, too."

"We can try and mend the damaged heart, but not a broken one."

"We laughed. We cried. But mostly we watched TV."

S�ance "I'm through to your husbands voice-mail"

'He doesn't talk to me anymore.'

"Can you recommend a nice red wine that goes well with a broken heart?"

"I feel terrible admitting this, but I'm sort of glad he's dead. One less thing to keep track of."

'He's a conspiracy theorist - he refuses to believe that Great Aunt Mildred is really dead.'

"We can deal with many heart related issues apart from 'a heart torn asunder by the meretricious behavior of a mendacious lover.'"

'Would you like the ECG tracing of your father's death? It's the least we can do.'

'All I want for Christmas is my old shape back again.'

'Oh no! I forgot to change his ring tone to the funeral march!'

'Life is a precious thing, but simply breathing and existing isn't living...the end is inevitable for everything...I'm afraid that time has come for you, dear. I have to pull the plug...'

'Grief counselling'

"Only time can heal a broken heart, Brenda, and fortunately I have the time, every Thursday at three o'clock."

'Hope it's legit. I never had the chance to say good riddance.'

"Of all my husbands I believe the first one tasted the best."

'Are you ready to get hurt again?'

"At this point, I think a rich lightweight would be fine."

'Let it go. Get on with your death.'

"After losing my partner, I felt lost until I realized I had not only an empty shell but also a short-term accommodation business."

"Don't make eye contact. Don't make eye contact. Don't...."

'2 chocolate truffles in the morning and 2 in the evening should cure your broken heart,,,'

"Sorry, wrong room."

"Oh no! You, again?"

'I see. So what you're saying is that you woke up this morning and your woman had done left you.'

'I don't understand it! On earth he was deathly afraid of flying.'

"Damn, I forgot to get her kugel recipe."

"Wake up. It says here I was right about that thing I said."

The Invention of Country Music.