Bereavement Gifts

"No, the other one."

They were sad when they found out their Grandfather had died in an earthquake.

"She's been seeing a very good grief counselor."

"I already know he's gone — it's been on the Internet."

"We never say 'death'—we prefer 'deadness.' "

'...'The car's alright, but your husband's a write-off'... Frankly I think you could have put it better...'

"If he'd worked for a few more years he might have got a decent state pension...But then he goes and dies on me at the tender age of 97!"

Man buying a mourning-band from a hatter

'He was a shooting star, passing through the firmament. Lighting up our dull lives with his all too brief presence.' 'I think we're at the wrong funeral.'

Man and woman at funeral parlor see sign, 'Ask about our Layaway Plan'.

"I trust my late husband didn't leave any nasty surprises?"

"He's left you his sperm"

"He never knew what hit him."

'I heard you were available.'

White Wine Wisdom.

'I'm surprised it's closed. Didn't think he would ever shut up.'

'Grief counselling'

It gets easier.

"Dead! How do you know he's dead? You're a dermatologist."

"Sorry I'm Late."

"The good news is you caught the less severe variant."

"Mother wouldn't want us to feel sad - she'd want us to feel guilty."

"Pop-Pop's in the Cloud now, sweetheart."

Matryoshka Funeral

"He's still in my nervous stomach."

"Ding-dong."

"… Most of all … I miss the way you scratched my butt."

"You're not even listening, are you?!"

"I feel like we're drifting apart."

"Finally, Honey – an end to your snoring."

"He had a full two weeks."

"There, there. Try to remember how much he annoyed you."

"We never had a 'last conversation,' but if we had, you’d have lost."

"This model is priced higher, but it comes with glow-in-the-dark stars."

"I feel terrible admitting this, but I'm sort of glad he's dead. One less thing to keep track of."