Bereavement Support Gifts

'I lost my best friend last year and Lisa, here, is part of my support group.'

'We're sorry for your loss. but it must be a consolation to know that his death didn't effect our targets.'

"Stop blaming yourself. You loved, and dedicated so much of your time. Have you considered getting another cactus?"

"I guess when your husband dies you'll really understand what they mean by a statistical death."

"We can try and mend the damaged heart, but not a broken one."

"I know. I miss him, too."

'Would you like the ECG tracing of your father's death? It's the least we can do.'

'Oh no! I forgot to change his ring tone to the funeral march!'

"I feel terrible admitting this, but I'm sort of glad he's dead. One less thing to keep track of."

'Grief counselling'

"Only time can heal a broken heart, Brenda, and fortunately I have the time, every Thursday at three o'clock."

"After losing my partner, I felt lost until I realized I had not only an empty shell but also a short-term accommodation business."

"Oh no! You, again?"

"The doctor says Tia Carmen is resting now...he's encouraging all family visitors to go home. We'll see you back here tomorrow."

'I see. So what you're saying is that you woke up this morning and your woman had done left you.'

404 British military deaths in Afghanistan.

'Another triple, Joe -I'm trying to forget several women.'

"Well, well – if it isn't the old crystal ball and chain."

"He leaves behind a wife, two kids, three grandkids, and a 239-day streak on Duolingo."

'One really nice thing up here is that it's always very easy to get an audience with a Pope.'

Mr. Chester's diplomacy

"...ummm, remember that guy from Pennsylvania that you dumped?"

The Invention of Country Music.

Viking Funeral

Arnold Hazlet and beloved wife Tamira (unless she married that guy across the street)

"After Harry was gone I started decorating the house as a distraction. It was around the time I was wallpapering the driveway that I thought I should seek grief counseling."

"...Well, yes. There is some good news... If you believe in reincarnation."

"He had a full two weeks."

'He was a shooting star, passing through the firmament. Lighting up our dull lives with his all too brief presence.' 'I think we're at the wrong funeral.'

"Dead! How do you know he's dead? You're a dermatologist."

"I'm sorry we couldn't give you more time off for the funeral, Sam. You know how hard it is to find a substitute."

At the pearly gates

"His last words were: Tell Martha to pay the doctors first."

"Hi. Were you Mrs. Hanson?"

"He was right about saving that box. It did come in handy."