Bereavement Counselor Gifts

"The funeral for Joyce Henshaw, who died in a saw mill accident, will be held on Sunday at 11am and 3pm."

"No, no - it was great. It's just that sometime I'd like to try it missionary style."

"As a friend, I pray you rest in peace. As a dog, I really want to dig you up."

"I love it when we clear up issues between us."

You got what you deserve … you deserve each other.

"I guess when your husband dies you'll really understand what they mean by a statistical death."

"Stop blaming yourself. You loved, and dedicated so much of your time. Have you considered getting another cactus?"

"I know. I miss him, too."

S�ance "I'm through to your husbands voice-mail"

'He's a conspiracy theorist - he refuses to believe that Great Aunt Mildred is really dead.'

'He doesn't talk to me anymore.'

'Would you like the ECG tracing of your father's death? It's the least we can do.'

'Oh no! I forgot to change his ring tone to the funeral march!'

"See how controlling he is?!"

"My wife and I handle our own finances. I'm an accountant and she's a grief counselor."

"I feel terrible admitting this, but I'm sort of glad he's dead. One less thing to keep track of."

'Life is a precious thing, but simply breathing and existing isn't living...the end is inevitable for everything...I'm afraid that time has come for you, dear. I have to pull the plug...'

"Only time can heal a broken heart, Brenda, and fortunately I have the time, every Thursday at three o'clock."

'Hope it's legit. I never had the chance to say good riddance.'

"You see?"

'I bought winter tyres and it didn't snow.'

A woman thinks of flowers and a man thinks of a prison cell.

'Grief counselling'

"Sorry, wrong room."

'Let it go. Get on with your death.'

"Whose turn is it to be happy?"

'I don't understand it! On earth he was deathly afraid of flying.'

"Damn, I forgot to get her kugel recipe."

The Invention of Country Music.

Viking Funeral

'One really nice thing up here is that it's always very easy to get an audience with a Pope.'

"Yeah, well it hurts when you stab me with your words."

"Your wife called again about that thing called love - I said you were dealing with it."

"He leaves behind a wife, two kids, three grandkids, and a 239-day streak on Duolingo."