Dealing With Grief Gifts

'Isn't it ironic that the first three letters in funeral spell fun?'

"People tend to take the news better when I bring Princess Cupcake."

"As a friend, I pray you rest in peace. As a dog, I really want to dig you up."

'Yes, death signifies a cosmic change of address. Alas, your husband's mail will not be forwarded.'

"We laughed. We cried. But mostly we watched TV."

S�ance "I'm through to your husbands voice-mail"

"I feel terrible admitting this, but I'm sort of glad he's dead. One less thing to keep track of."

"My wife and I handle our own finances. I'm an accountant and she's a grief counselor."

'He's a conspiracy theorist - he refuses to believe that Great Aunt Mildred is really dead.'

'He doesn't talk to me anymore.'

'Life is a precious thing, but simply breathing and existing isn't living...the end is inevitable for everything...I'm afraid that time has come for you, dear. I have to pull the plug...'

'I bought winter tyres and it didn't snow.'

'Hope it's legit. I never had the chance to say good riddance.'

"Only time can heal a broken heart, Brenda, and fortunately I have the time, every Thursday at three o'clock."

"Sorry, wrong room."

'Let it go. Get on with your death.'

"After losing my partner, I felt lost until I realized I had not only an empty shell but also a short-term accommodation business."

'I don't understand it! On earth he was deathly afraid of flying.'

"Damn, I forgot to get her kugel recipe."

''On behalf of my colleagues I wanted to let you know that we are all crying inside.''

"Well, well – if it isn't the old crystal ball and chain."

'It's ok, sir, we'll put you in touch with one of our grief counselors.'

"Sure, it's disrespectful, but knowing old scamp, he'd want us to dig up his bones."

"After Harry was gone I started decorating the house as a distraction. It was around the time I was wallpapering the driveway that I thought I should seek grief counseling."

Hedgehog Mortuary.

"He had a full two weeks."

"I was able to get in one last lecture about diet and exercise."

"There, there. Try to remember how much he annoyed you."

Great Joys like griefs are silent.

'Touching.'

The final stage of grief is acceptance. And the inevitable long and rambling acceptance speech.

A stranger in paradise.

"I never got a chance to say 'Shut up.' "

'As your Guardian Angel, I want you to know that death is not anything to worry about.'