Grief Gifts

"I never got a chance to say 'Shut up.' "

"He's still in my nervous stomach."

"How about something nice for his ashes?"

"You're still with me every day, Mom. Please stop."

"Sure, it's disrespectful, but knowing old scamp, he'd want us to dig up his bones."

'Touching.'

"We laughed. We cried. But mostly we watched TV."

'He's a conspiracy theorist - he refuses to believe that Great Aunt Mildred is really dead.'

Animal cemetary with a grieving dog.

Tombstone: I told you I was sick!

"I wanted you to calm down. But not that calm ... or that far down."

"You can see my childhood here."

"I knew if I started dating again so soon he'd flip out."

"As a friend, I pray you rest in peace. As a dog, I really want to dig you up."

"I guess when your husband dies you'll really understand what they mean by a statistical death."

"I know. I miss him, too."

'Yes, death signifies a cosmic change of address. Alas, your husband's mail will not be forwarded.'

S�ance "I'm through to your husbands voice-mail"

"My wife and I handle our own finances. I'm an accountant and she's a grief counselor."

'Would you like the ECG tracing of your father's death? It's the least we can do.'

'Oh no! I forgot to change his ring tone to the funeral march!'

'He doesn't talk to me anymore.'

"I feel terrible admitting this, but I'm sort of glad he's dead. One less thing to keep track of."

'Life is a precious thing, but simply breathing and existing isn't living...the end is inevitable for everything...I'm afraid that time has come for you, dear. I have to pull the plug...'

'I bought winter tyres and it didn't snow.'

'Grief counselling'

"Only time can heal a broken heart, Brenda, and fortunately I have the time, every Thursday at three o'clock."

'Hope it's legit. I never had the chance to say good riddance.'

'Let it go. Get on with your death.'

"Sorry, wrong room."

"After losing my partner, I felt lost until I realized I had not only an empty shell but also a short-term accommodation business."

"Damn, I forgot to get her kugel recipe."

'I don't understand it! On earth he was deathly afraid of flying.'

"Well, well – if it isn't the old crystal ball and chain."

"He had a full two weeks."