Dealing With Grief Mugs

'Isn't it ironic that the first three letters in funeral spell fun?'

"People tend to take the news better when I bring Princess Cupcake."

Look, I really miss Magus. That's the name of our cat who died. I'm sorry, kid. That's not the problem. It's my parents. They think they need to protect me from the idea of death. They're tiptoeing around it. They told me Magus' body stopped working. To humor them, I asked why. Mom froze, ran into the other room, then faked laryngitis. Her voice stopped working.

"As a friend, I pray you rest in peace. As a dog, I really want to dig you up."

"We laughed. We cried. But mostly we watched TV."

'Yes, death signifies a cosmic change of address. Alas, your husband's mail will not be forwarded.'

S�ance "I'm through to your husbands voice-mail"

'He doesn't talk to me anymore.'

"My wife and I handle our own finances. I'm an accountant and she's a grief counselor."

"I feel terrible admitting this, but I'm sort of glad he's dead. One less thing to keep track of."

'He's a conspiracy theorist - he refuses to believe that Great Aunt Mildred is really dead.'

'Life is a precious thing, but simply breathing and existing isn't living...the end is inevitable for everything...I'm afraid that time has come for you, dear. I have to pull the plug...'

'I bought winter tyres and it didn't snow.'

'Hope it's legit. I never had the chance to say good riddance.'

"Only time can heal a broken heart, Brenda, and fortunately I have the time, every Thursday at three o'clock."

'Let it go. Get on with your death.'

"After losing my partner, I felt lost until I realized I had not only an empty shell but also a short-term accommodation business."

"Sorry, wrong room."

"Damn, I forgot to get her kugel recipe."

'I don't understand it! On earth he was deathly afraid of flying.'

"That's okay, I lost my wife years ago. Worst poker hand I ever played."

"He had a full two weeks."

Hedgehog Mortuary.

"Well, well – if it isn't the old crystal ball and chain."

"Sure, it's disrespectful, but knowing old scamp, he'd want us to dig up his bones."

'It's ok, sir, we'll put you in touch with one of our grief counselors.'

"After Harry was gone I started decorating the house as a distraction. It was around the time I was wallpapering the driveway that I thought I should seek grief counseling."

''On behalf of my colleagues I wanted to let you know that we are all crying inside.''

"There, there. Try to remember how much he annoyed you."

Great Joys like griefs are silent.

'Touching.'

"I can accept Mum's gone, but I can't bring myself to press 'delete'."

The final stage of grief is acceptance. And the inevitable long and rambling acceptance speech.

"I was able to get in one last lecture about diet and exercise."

A stranger in paradise.