Real-world Chuckles Gifts

'The sonar finds underwater structure. You watch out for surface structure.'

How Rings In Nature Indicate Aging.

"Of course I have a life. Not one worth living, mind you."

I have decided that all future board meetings will be held before lunch.

"We've now got a higher approval rating than the media."

'He hasn't responded to training - he still insists on taking Alec to his slippers....'

"Yes, I know that chocolate comes from the cocoa Bean...but that does NOT count as a vegetable!"

The Big Four debate banking ethics

'Scoutmasters aren't usually used as references.'

"You're not just a number here. You're a number who hasn't been fired yet."

"Brad, if you can't say 'I love you' without using finger quotes, I'm outta here."

The Terror Of Folkenstein

Meat. No, I have no idea what the heck you just shoved in your mouth, I'm giving away toothpicks. Free samples.

They're short of staff!

"I haven't written anything yet, but I'm looking for someone to ghostwrite my book 'how to delegate.'"

STRIP Hambone: Techinical support in layman's terms #1

"Going to the vet for worming tablets is so embarrassing: I order mine online now..."

"You've got mail! Also, Time, CNN, HBO, ICQ, Warner Bros, Netscape, Sports Illustrated. . . . ."

'Do I need a pin number to make a withdrawal?'

"I love bonfires. Thanks to all the junk mail I get, I have one everyday."

'I don't know why you use the lid to this thing. It's so much more fun without it!'

'Can you let me have five till Obama bails us all out, sir?'

You Will Eat A Fortune Cookie.

Dog dropping slippers out of the window.

Boy accused of vandalism pleads 'limited liability'

Over six thousand spectators attended the final.

"I've found it the easiest way to administer nose drops!"

"Would you describe yourself as conservative voter."

"I paid twelve quid for this and it only mentions nine!"

Book Burp

'Dear, it's better to light a candle than curse the nation's crumbling electrical grid.'

"I'm a green thief."

'Doctor, I want a refund...'

'I'm fed up with this hosepipe ban... I mean, it's not like we really need one.'

Let's go inside. And remember: Your internet shopping habits won't help you here. Mall. Huh? What're you wearing? You look ridiculous. It's nothing. Let's head into Target. It's a midweek sale. If we get separated, I'll bring you a medic. Uh, okay. Medic? In-person shopping melee! Medic. Soft-underbellied e-commerc shopper in aisle two! Where am I? Can I return to my homepage?