Humor In Everyday Life Gifts

Dog dropping slippers out of the window.

'He's never been the same since he had his identity stolen!'

"This mirror is defective. It makes me look old and fat."

"Going to the vet for worming tablets is so embarrassing: I order mine online now..."

Hang on...I've got WINGS..!!!

"It's hard being a grownup, too – did you know we have absolutely zero limits on treats?"

It is believed dear Jack finally figured out women. Trouble is, he died laughing before he could tell anybody.

"Only one of us can be 'The Funny One'."

'I can validate both your feelings and your parking.'

"Yes, I know that chocolate comes from the cocoa Bean...but that does NOT count as a vegetable!"

How it started: How it's going

'Yes, Dear, they are very pretty shoes!'

"And that was my day at the office. Thanks, Alice, you've been a great audience!"

"Brad, if you can't say 'I love you' without using finger quotes, I'm outta here."

Could I trade in this greyhound for a dachshund? My doctor says I have to slow up.

Oldies.

'What do you mean you're a vegetarian?'

'Do you have any skills other than knowing how to keep a tidy desk?'

'What I wouldn't give for some good eczema medication!'

'Mum, how come we're always the bad guys in bed-time stories?...'

'I'm bored.'

"The fax machine ate my homework."

"Now where did I park my car?"

"Pie and coffee for me. And a pair of underpants for Mr. Right here."

"You don't need a prescription, Mr. Beesley - you need an iron...."

Life bingo

"I love bonfires. Thanks to all the junk mail I get, I have one everyday."

"I got a bad papercut from my health magazine!"

'I don't know why you use the lid to this thing. It's so much more fun without it!'

"Happy Hump Day!"

A cow with a wedgie.

"When dealing with Americans, refer to the heat in Celsius. They hate that."

"There it goes again. That dang phone's here someplace..."

'I don't like the way your eyes light up when that nurse comes in!'