Humor In Everyday Life Gifts

Dog dropping slippers out of the window.

'He's never been the same since he had his identity stolen!'

Meat. No, I have no idea what the heck you just shoved in your mouth, I'm giving away toothpicks. Free samples.

"This mirror is defective. It makes me look old and fat."

"Going to the vet for worming tablets is so embarrassing: I order mine online now..."

Hang on...I've got WINGS..!!!

How Rings In Nature Indicate Aging.

"It's hard being a grownup, too – did you know we have absolutely zero limits on treats?"

It is believed dear Jack finally figured out women. Trouble is, he died laughing before he could tell anybody.

"Only one of us can be 'The Funny One'."

'I can validate both your feelings and your parking.'

'Yes, Dear, they are very pretty shoes!'

"Hey, Zorro! You forgot your mask."

"Yes, I know that chocolate comes from the cocoa Bean...but that does NOT count as a vegetable!"

How it started: How it's going

"And that was my day at the office. Thanks, Alice, you've been a great audience!"

"Brad, if you can't say 'I love you' without using finger quotes, I'm outta here."

'Hey Dave, check out the kinky underwear this chick is taking on her trip!'

Could I trade in this greyhound for a dachshund? My doctor says I have to slow up.

Oldies.

OLD COMEDY vs. NEW COMEDY

'What do you mean you're a vegetarian?'

'Do you have any skills other than knowing how to keep a tidy desk?'

'What I wouldn't give for some good eczema medication!'

'Mum, how come we're always the bad guys in bed-time stories?...'

'I'm bored.'

"The fax machine ate my homework."

"Pie and coffee for me. And a pair of underpants for Mr. Right here."

"You don't need a prescription, Mr. Beesley - you need an iron...."

"Now where did I park my car?"

Life bingo

"Happy Hump Day!"

Royal Gym. Heavy is the head that wears the crown. And the body isn't in great shape either.

A cow with a wedgie.

"I got a bad papercut from my health magazine!"