Humor In The Mundane Gifts

Hang on...I've got WINGS..!!!

"Look! No hands!"

'-and you're living proof that ALL men are not born equal, runt!'

'Well, the good news is; You won't need to tax and insure it.'

"It's hard being a grownup, too – did you know we have absolutely zero limits on treats?"

"I'll have dessert first."

"Yes, I know that chocolate comes from the cocoa Bean...but that does NOT count as a vegetable!"

'Yes, Dear, they are very pretty shoes!'

How it started: How it's going

"Must be the new philosophy teacher."

Turkey survivability - 'It's all in being able to put the old fork down and say no.'

"You're a bureaucrat, Ed. What do you mean you hate paperwork?"

'Stop complaining. We can't afford business class any more.'

Oldies.

Frank Loved Bubblewrap

"Welcome back, Mr. Bigley. Some messages came in for you while you were dead."

Shoveling Snow

"Pie and coffee for me. And a pair of underpants for Mr. Right here."

Baggage Claim: Anyone Who Knows How To Hot-Wire A Car.

"Harumph. Some 'sailor man.'"

'...And a bottle of Bollinger '61 if you please Fred...'

Meat. No, I have no idea what the heck you just shoved in your mouth, I'm giving away toothpicks. Free samples.

"Now where did I park my car?"

At first she didn't want to live if it meant being attached to tubes. But before you knew it, they were getting along just fine.

Life bingo

"I'm going to Princeton!"

"I love bonfires. Thanks to all the junk mail I get, I have one everyday."

'I don't know why you use the lid to this thing. It's so much more fun without it!'

"Looks like rain."

"Going to the vet for worming tablets is so embarrassing: I order mine online now..."

'Bill got sacked, sleeps on a park bend and eats dog food. He's the most motivational speaker we've ever had.'

"I got a bad papercut from my health magazine!"

"The sudden resignation caught many by surprise. 'I wish to spend more time with my family,' he said. When contacted, his family replied, 'Who?'"

'I was never convicted! Doesn't that count for something!?'

Dog dropping slippers out of the window.