Irony In Humor Gifts

"The sudden resignation caught many by surprise. 'I wish to spend more time with my family,' he said. When contacted, his family replied, 'Who?'"

'Well, the good news is; You won't need to tax and insure it.'

"On a more positive note the guidance we’ve published on the services we can’t provide is published in 37 different languages."

"Ironically, this is the living room."

"Now, how can I be of assistance?"

"If I might be serious for a moment..."

"All natural snow cones for sale."

"Would you relax? All you guys are so tense. I just wanted to tell you to your face how enigmatic I find you."

"That report on corporate redundancy... I'd like it in triplicate."

Men looking at black screen, "I call it film noir"

"Hue More Church Candlelight mass 7:00pm - 8:00pm"

"I agree, the place was a tear-down, but I just remembered we were only renting it."

Freedom comes at a cost. We must be willing to pay the ultimate price. Retail.

'Dang it, I just washed this street. Boy, every time...'

Always empty your fridge before starting a diet.

"Look! No hands!"

"To be honest, I don't believe in ghosts."

Turd - 'It's one of a kind.'

"The tests confirms you have short-term memory loss."

Deer Season Open.

"Ooh look Derek. A shooting star. Quick make a wish"

'I'm so bored - nothing ever happens around here!'

'The world already ended, but the government hushed it up.'

"I thought they were cracking down on jaywalking."

"Oh, look- French! Let's try it."

'This guy loves giving stump speeches. Ironically, they're all against deforestation.'

"If I'd known we'd be this long wandering the wilderness I would never have worn these heels."

'Stuck on a desert island, in the middle of the ocean, with only a palm tree for company, it's a bloody joke.'

Flyfishing for dummies.

'A religious zealot denounces a toaster for working on the Sabbath'

10K Run: Smoker's Lane.

'I wasted half my life perched on top of a mountain in the Himalayas. Only to discover that the true meaning of life was a night in watching the box, with a few cans of lager.'

"It's about sex and revenge, except for a short chapter on the Continental Congress."

"Sorry, the sound of your chewing sends me into a rage."

"Just don’t tell the other vultures. I’ll never hear the end of it."