Humor In The Mundane Pillows

Hang on...I've got WINGS..!!!

"Look! No hands!"

'-and you're living proof that ALL men are not born equal, runt!'

'Well, the good news is; You won't need to tax and insure it.'

"It's hard being a grownup, too – did you know we have absolutely zero limits on treats?"

"I'll have dessert first."

Turkey survivability - 'It's all in being able to put the old fork down and say no.'

"Must be the new philosophy teacher."

How it started: How it's going

'Yes, Dear, they are very pretty shoes!'

"Yes, I know that chocolate comes from the cocoa Bean...but that does NOT count as a vegetable!"

"You're a bureaucrat, Ed. What do you mean you hate paperwork?"

'Stop complaining. We can't afford business class any more.'

Oldies.

"Welcome back, Mr. Bigley. Some messages came in for you while you were dead."

Frank Loved Bubblewrap

"Now where did I park my car?"

Baggage Claim: Anyone Who Knows How To Hot-Wire A Car.

"Pie and coffee for me. And a pair of underpants for Mr. Right here."

Shoveling Snow

"Harumph. Some 'sailor man.'"

'...And a bottle of Bollinger '61 if you please Fred...'

At first she didn't want to live if it meant being attached to tubes. But before you knew it, they were getting along just fine.

Life bingo

'I don't know why you use the lid to this thing. It's so much more fun without it!'

"I'm going to Princeton!"

"Looks like rain."

"Going to the vet for worming tablets is so embarrassing: I order mine online now..."

"I love bonfires. Thanks to all the junk mail I get, I have one everyday."

"I got a bad papercut from my health magazine!"

'Bill got sacked, sleeps on a park bend and eats dog food. He's the most motivational speaker we've ever had.'

"The sudden resignation caught many by surprise. 'I wish to spend more time with my family,' he said. When contacted, his family replied, 'Who?'"

Dog dropping slippers out of the window.

'I was never convicted! Doesn't that count for something!?'

"Ed woke each morning at dawn to feed his pets, and each morning at dawn, Bruno and Luna frightened Ed. Yaaaaa! Wha? Who's there?!"