Humor_in_everyday Pillows

"Pie and coffee for me. And a pair of underpants for Mr. Right here."

Wifi in Hell

Hang on...I've got WINGS..!!!

How Rings In Nature Indicate Aging.

"It's hard being a grownup, too – did you know we have absolutely zero limits on treats?"

It is believed dear Jack finally figured out women. Trouble is, he died laughing before he could tell anybody.

"Only one of us can be 'The Funny One'."

'I can validate both your feelings and your parking.'

"Yes, I know that chocolate comes from the cocoa Bean...but that does NOT count as a vegetable!"

'Yes, Dear, they are very pretty shoes!'

"Hey, Zorro! You forgot your mask."

How it started: How it's going

"And that was my day at the office. Thanks, Alice, you've been a great audience!"

"Brad, if you can't say 'I love you' without using finger quotes, I'm outta here."

'Hey Dave, check out the kinky underwear this chick is taking on her trip!'

Oldies.

OLD COMEDY vs. NEW COMEDY

Could I trade in this greyhound for a dachshund? My doctor says I have to slow up.

'What do you mean you're a vegetarian?'

'Mum, how come we're always the bad guys in bed-time stories?...'

'Do you have any skills other than knowing how to keep a tidy desk?'

'I'm bored.'

'What I wouldn't give for some good eczema medication!'

"The fax machine ate my homework."

Jesus turns water into Vitamin Water.

Meat. No, I have no idea what the heck you just shoved in your mouth, I'm giving away toothpicks. Free samples.

"Now where did I park my car?"

'I'm probably not gonna get a 'Like' on my facebook account after this.'

"You don't need a prescription, Mr. Beesley - you need an iron...."

Life bingo

"Going to the vet for worming tablets is so embarrassing: I order mine online now..."

"When dealing with Americans, refer to the heat in Celsius. They hate that."

A cow with a wedgie.

Royal Gym. Heavy is the head that wears the crown. And the body isn't in great shape either.

"I got a bad papercut from my health magazine!"