Humor In Daily Life Pillows

Let's go inside. And remember: Your internet shopping habits won't help you here. Mall. Huh? What're you wearing? You look ridiculous. It's nothing. Let's head into Target. It's a midweek sale. If we get separated, I'll bring you a medic. Uh, okay. Medic? In-person shopping melee! Medic. Soft-underbellied e-commerc shopper in aisle two! Where am I? Can I return to my homepage?

Hang on...I've got WINGS..!!!

How Rings In Nature Indicate Aging.

"It's hard being a grownup, too – did you know we have absolutely zero limits on treats?"

'I can validate both your feelings and your parking.'

Holiday Gifts 2020

"Hey, Zorro! You forgot your mask."

"Yes, I know that chocolate comes from the cocoa Bean...but that does NOT count as a vegetable!"

'Yes, Dear, they are very pretty shoes!'

How it started: How it's going

"Yes, Myra, I do still love you. What I don't love, however, is this exit poll every damned morning."

"And that was my day at the office. Thanks, Alice, you've been a great audience!"

'Hey Dave, check out the kinky underwear this chick is taking on her trip!'

"Not too much off my back."

"Brad, if you can't say 'I love you' without using finger quotes, I'm outta here."

Rudolph Red Light District

Oldies.

Could I trade in this greyhound for a dachshund? My doctor says I have to slow up.

'What do you mean you're a vegetarian?'

'I'm bored.'

'What I wouldn't give for some good eczema medication!'

"You don't need a prescription, Mr. Beesley - you need an iron...."

"Pie and coffee for me. And a pair of underpants for Mr. Right here."

"Now where did I park my car?"

Meat. No, I have no idea what the heck you just shoved in your mouth, I'm giving away toothpicks. Free samples.

Dear Bertha - I'd write more often, but I always seem to be out of ink! Love, Oggy

"The fax machine ate my homework."

Life bingo

Roger lands a recording contract after a ham sandwich gets stuck in his windpipe.

Royal Gym. Heavy is the head that wears the crown. And the body isn't in great shape either.

"Going to the vet for worming tablets is so embarrassing: I order mine online now..."

"We need someone with experience operating a wrecking ball. Huffing and puffing and blowing buildings down is pretty much an outdated skill these days."

'I don't know why you use the lid to this thing. It's so much more fun without it!'

"I got a bad papercut from my health magazine!"

"How about a quick espresso before school, Toby?"