Daily Life Humor Gifts

"Brad, if you can't say 'I love you' without using finger quotes, I'm outta here."

'Well! Well! Talk of the Devil.....'

"I swapped my 'couch to 5k' training app for a '5k to couch' one!"

How Rings In Nature Indicate Aging.

"We think it has something to do with your genome."

Peter

'I can validate both your feelings and your parking.'

"I must come to the supermarket with you sometime dear, they seem to sell everything!"

"Yes, I know that chocolate comes from the cocoa Bean...but that does NOT count as a vegetable!"

How it started: How it's going

"Mom said I can't watch TV until you finish my homework."

"And that was my day at the office. Thanks, Alice, you've been a great audience!"

"Yes, Myra, I do still love you. What I don't love, however, is this exit poll every damned morning."

"He doesn't have to worry about his preschool placement - he interviews well."

"Iron Man! Thank heaven you’ve come!"

"I can't right now. My spurs are stuck together."

Rocket charmer.

'I'm bored.'

"No - you put the cat out."

Castle with parking lot.

Meat. No, I have no idea what the heck you just shoved in your mouth, I'm giving away toothpicks. Free samples.

"Pie and coffee for me. And a pair of underpants for Mr. Right here."

"Ahem, if you're planning to rob the place could you please get a move on."

"You don't need a prescription, Mr. Beesley - you need an iron...."

"How about a quick espresso before school, Toby?"

"Going to the vet for worming tablets is so embarrassing: I order mine online now..."

Tired mum vacuums baby

"At that moment, the evil witch cast a spell on the prince that would force him to do her bidding."

"I love bonfires. Thanks to all the junk mail I get, I have one everyday."

New wicket keeping gloves ?

"Riley doesn't bark. He tweets."

'I don't know why you use the lid to this thing. It's so much more fun without it!'

'That must be some mouse! Hang on while I get my shotgun.'

'I saw the light during my near death experience, but it turned out to be in my refrigerator.'

Dog dropping slippers out of the window.