Daily Life Humor Gifts

"Brad, if you can't say 'I love you' without using finger quotes, I'm outta here."

'Well! Well! Talk of the Devil.....'

"I swapped my 'couch to 5k' training app for a '5k to couch' one!"

"We think it has something to do with your genome."

Peter

'I can validate both your feelings and your parking.'

"I must come to the supermarket with you sometime dear, they seem to sell everything!"

"Yes, I know that chocolate comes from the cocoa Bean...but that does NOT count as a vegetable!"

How it started: How it's going

"And that was my day at the office. Thanks, Alice, you've been a great audience!"

"Yes, Myra, I do still love you. What I don't love, however, is this exit poll every damned morning."

"Mom said I can't watch TV until you finish my homework."

"He doesn't have to worry about his preschool placement - he interviews well."

"Iron Man! Thank heaven you’ve come!"

"I can't right now. My spurs are stuck together."

Rocket charmer.

'I'm bored.'

"You don't need a prescription, Mr. Beesley - you need an iron...."

Castle with parking lot.

"No - you put the cat out."

"Ahem, if you're planning to rob the place could you please get a move on."

"Pie and coffee for me. And a pair of underpants for Mr. Right here."

"How about a quick espresso before school, Toby?"

"I love bonfires. Thanks to all the junk mail I get, I have one everyday."

'I don't know why you use the lid to this thing. It's so much more fun without it!'

"Riley doesn't bark. He tweets."

New wicket keeping gloves ?

Tired mum vacuums baby

'I saw the light during my near death experience, but it turned out to be in my refrigerator.'

'That must be some mouse! Hang on while I get my shotgun.'

"Going to the vet for worming tablets is so embarrassing: I order mine online now..."

Dog dropping slippers out of the window.

"If you want to turn it off, you just pull this chain until you accidentally turn it back on."

"There it goes again. That dang phone's here someplace..."