Real-world Chuckles Pillows

'The sonar finds underwater structure. You watch out for surface structure.'

"Of course I have a life. Not one worth living, mind you."

I have decided that all future board meetings will be held before lunch.

'He hasn't responded to training - he still insists on taking Alec to his slippers....'

"Yes, I know that chocolate comes from the cocoa Bean...but that does NOT count as a vegetable!"

"You're not just a number here. You're a number who hasn't been fired yet."

'Scoutmasters aren't usually used as references.'

"Brad, if you can't say 'I love you' without using finger quotes, I'm outta here."

The Terror Of Folkenstein

They're short of staff!

"I haven't written anything yet, but I'm looking for someone to ghostwrite my book 'how to delegate.'"

STRIP Hambone: Techinical support in layman's terms #1

'Can you let me have five till Obama bails us all out, sir?'

"You've got mail! Also, Time, CNN, HBO, ICQ, Warner Bros, Netscape, Sports Illustrated. . . . ."

"Going to the vet for worming tablets is so embarrassing: I order mine online now..."

'Do I need a pin number to make a withdrawal?'

'I don't know why you use the lid to this thing. It's so much more fun without it!'

"I love bonfires. Thanks to all the junk mail I get, I have one everyday."

You Will Eat A Fortune Cookie.

Dog dropping slippers out of the window.

Boy accused of vandalism pleads 'limited liability'

"I've found it the easiest way to administer nose drops!"

"I paid twelve quid for this and it only mentions nine!"

Book Burp

Over six thousand spectators attended the final.

'Dear, it's better to light a candle than curse the nation's crumbling electrical grid.'

"Would you describe yourself as conservative voter."

"I'm a green thief."

'Doctor, I want a refund...'

'I'm fed up with this hosepipe ban... I mean, it's not like we really need one.'