Career Chuckles Pillows

'Scoutmasters aren't usually used as references.'

"In addition to 'loyalty' are there any OTHER qualities you think you could bring to the job?"

'You say you're willing to start at the bottom...'

"So, Mr Canary, I see you have experience as a mine safety specialist..."

I have decided that all future board meetings will be held before lunch.

"Actually, I worked my way up from 'ideas'."

"It's my conscience... It's all achy"

'Don't be alarmed - I'm a proctologist.'

'I'm afraid I can't do business with you, Miss Carstairs -- you're just too damned cute.'

'Your resume is quite impressive. However, I'm a little concerned about you biting your last four bosses.'

"We are looking for temps, but I'm afraid you're too temp for us."

'How much for you to do my tax return?'

"Besides, 'Not working for this crappy company,' where do you see yourself in 5 years?"

"I used to be a political lobbyist, then along came this chance to be a slug."

'As a consultant, my job is to speak to you as if I knew how your business worked.'

Sharings,,,formerly complaints,

'There were a lot of highly qualified applicants, but I was particularly impressed by your resume.'

'It's a grueling job that requires a strong commitment and personal sacrifice. Is your mother available?'

"I find it admirable that you're so honest about your flaws in your resume. This has just saved the both of us a lot of time."

Not only have we been laid off, but, being small, we can crawl through air ducts with ease.

"I've enjoyed being a pet, but it's time for me to get a real job."

"…and don't let your cash buyout, stock options and lifetime medical benefits hit you in the button the way out."

'Can you do shorthand?' - 'I don't know, I've never tried.'

"Sorry, but your good references don't match the passion of your bad ones."

"Hold on, I just have to send a P-mail."

"Sir, are all these compliments and this reminiscing about my time here leading up to my termination?"

New To The Job: Pizza Delivery Guy

"My wife's career is in ruins... She's an archaeologist!"

"This resume appears to cover only the last forty-five minutes."

"You've got the job, but you've got to change your clothes."

'Nice smile! What do you think?'

'Yes, I did receive your resume. As a matter of fact, I'm passing it around the office as we speak.'

Chook Dentist

"You've got mail! Also, Time, CNN, HBO, ICQ, Warner Bros, Netscape, Sports Illustrated. . . . ."

'Sure, I'll hire you -- I could use a good tax loss this year.'