Career Humor Enthusiast Pillows

"This resume appears to cover only the last forty-five minutes."

"You've got the job, but you've got to change your clothes."

'You say you're willing to start at the bottom...'

I hear you people are desperate for accountants.

'In the future, everyone will have a job for fifteen minutes.'

Chook Dentist

Man in cubicle has sign: 'Square One'.

'Can you do shorthand?' - 'I don't know, I've never tried.'

"So, Mr Canary, I see you have experience as a mine safety specialist..."

"We don't think you're cut out to be a 'foot in the door' salesman."

"I find it admirable that you're so honest about your flaws in your resume. This has just saved the both of us a lot of time."

'Let me worry about the one percent inspiration, you just take care of the 99 percent perspiration.'

"It used to Casual Friday. Now it's Furlough Friday."

"This is probably not the time to admit I only joined the force because I figured we'd just be chasing cat burglars."

"There are no big jobs, only small machines."

"They found a use for that old paper shredder."

'And I see you've listed opposable thumbs as your greatest asset...'

'I don't know what he does, but I'm afraid to ask.'

'When training my son, keep him totally ignorant. I'm grooming him to be VP in-charge-of -denials.'

'Your salary will help you learn the lesson that life is not fair.'

'If you have nothing to do don't come round here and do it.'

Up-to-date Career-Specific Romance Novels

Gary misread the new policy on 'Free Thinking' in the work place.

'Gerald, it's so nice to see you finally getting closer to your employees.'

Indecision and Outrage Trays

"Oh, I can be dependable, and for another £200 a week, I can be productive too."

"Oh yes, we expect to replace you very soon. After all, the qualifications for the job aren't much."

Earl suspends his disbelief.

"Every day is Monday." "Except Friday."

'I fetch, but it hasn't helped my career any.'

'I think I'm decisive. Can I get back to you on that?'

'I wouldn't worry about the retirement plan. You'd have to be out of your mind to work here that long.'

While you were out... the whole office talked about you.

'Now then, Simpkins. What makes you think you could become a circus clown?'

'You'll get a promotion when hell freezes over.'