Career Humor Lover Pillows

'It's a grueling job that requires a strong commitment and personal sacrifice. Is your mother available?'

'I'm afraid I can't do business with you, Miss Carstairs -- you're just too damned cute.'

"Besides, 'Not working for this crappy company,' where do you see yourself in 5 years?"

'Let me worry about the one percent inspiration, you just take care of the 99 percent perspiration.'

"It used to Casual Friday. Now it's Furlough Friday."

"There are no big jobs, only small machines."

'Stop saying 'how high?' until I say 'jump'.'

"They found a use for that old paper shredder."

'I don't know what he does, but I'm afraid to ask.'

Businessman: 'We're like one big family here, because of all the nepotism.'

'If you have nothing to do don't come round here and do it.'

'It's settled then. Your people will meet with my people if they ever get me any people.'

'You say you're willing to start at the bottom...'

'Gerald, it's so nice to see you finally getting closer to your employees.'

Gary misread the new policy on 'Free Thinking' in the work place.

"So, Mr Canary, I see you have experience as a mine safety specialist..."

"According to your brain scan, you just don't want to go back to work."

Indecision and Outrage Trays

'Here's your workplace. You will find out company is not big on CCTV cameras or punch clocks.'

"Oh yes, we expect to replace you very soon. After all, the qualifications for the job aren't much."

"Oh, I can be dependable, and for another £200 a week, I can be productive too."

"Every day is Monday." "Except Friday."

Two doctors holding hands

Earl suspends his disbelief.

'I fetch, but it hasn't helped my career any.'

'I think I'm decisive. Can I get back to you on that?'

'I wouldn't worry about the retirement plan. You'd have to be out of your mind to work here that long.'

While you were out... the whole office talked about you.

'Our goal is for you to successfully transition to your new job before retirement age.'

'Surely you can manage on your salary!'

'Next time you want to cheat and use someone else's resume, I suggest you do more than scratch out his name and put yours above it.'

'So this is the company's new mission statement.'

"What a day. I almost lost my smug look of detached superiority."

Office zombie.

"I'm not an intern, I'm a squire. I'm not an intern, I'm a squire..."