Career Humor Fans Pillows

'There were a lot of highly qualified applicants, but I was particularly impressed by your resume.'

"We need to make some cuts. We'll start with integrity, accountability, openness, and transparency."

"Don't forget to leave me a wakeup call so I can get the worm!"

'I really wish you guys would knock that off.'

Dog's In Tray and Out Tray

'Does it bother anyone else that our entire business is based on one questionable product?'

"Your taxes,pension and health deductions have exceeded your wages - here's your bill."

'You say you're willing to start at the bottom...'

"Greetings, Earthling - Are you a worker or a drone?"

"So, Mr Canary, I see you have experience as a mine safety specialist..."

"I absolutely guarantee your workloads will not increase."

"This just in — I no longer have a job."

"Frankly, we’re concerned about your checkered past."

Giving feedback is a complex process.

"I'm so glad you decided to participate in our Money for Employment program."

"Well, all I know is he left on vacation to unwind... and he never wound-up again!"

"It's my conscience... It's all achy"

'Next time you want to cheat and use someone else's resume, I suggest you do more than scratch out his name and put yours above it.'

'You're not being fired Jenkins. It's just that all our colleagues have booted you out of the company.'

'The firm is downsizing, Oglethorpe -- tell everybody to scrunch up.'

Group of people.

'What is the meaning of poorly attended staff meetings.'

'The good news is we're not laying you off. The bad news is we want you to take a 20-year lunch break without pay.'

"Look at them over there, looking all smug with their clients and accounts and stuff."

"Actually, I worked my way up from 'ideas'."

'I hate 'bring your inner child to work day.''

'Its simple: we're the nanotechnology department.'

The annual running of the lawyers.

'Don't be alarmed - I'm a proctologist.'

'I'm afraid I can't do business with you, Miss Carstairs -- you're just too damned cute.'

Warlord

'I know you can make this project go. That's why I call you 'The Magic Motor'.'

Now Hiring, 'I was about to ask him if he could work without supervision, when he just wandered away!'

'Actually, I haven't done any work for a month due to technical difficulties.'