Career Humor Lovers Pillows

'Tell me why you want to work here. Tell me why anyone would want to work here.'

"On a more positive note the guidance we’ve published on the services we can’t provide is published in 37 different languages."

"I'd say we were pretty much on target."

'It seems every time my business grows so does my paperwork!'

'Let me worry about the one percent inspiration, you just take care of the 99 percent perspiration.'

"There are no big jobs, only small machines."

"It used to Casual Friday. Now it's Furlough Friday."

'Stop saying 'how high?' until I say 'jump'.'

"They found a use for that old paper shredder."

'If you have nothing to do don't come round here and do it.'

Businessman: 'We're like one big family here, because of all the nepotism.'

'I don't know what he does, but I'm afraid to ask.'

'What's the matter... you're not grim here?'

'It's settled then. Your people will meet with my people if they ever get me any people.'

'Gerald, it's so nice to see you finally getting closer to your employees.'

Gary misread the new policy on 'Free Thinking' in the work place.

"So, Mr Canary, I see you have experience as a mine safety specialist..."

"You calm down."

'You say you're willing to start at the bottom...'

Re-Tooling Costs - "Could you be a little more precise than umpteen million?"

"According to your brain scan, you just don't want to go back to work."

Indecision and Outrage Trays

THE REPORT: Some of this is brilliant, but that can be fixed.

'Here's your workplace. You will find out company is not big on CCTV cameras or punch clocks.'

'Do we want to tackle this head on, or just stun it with a glancing blow until next Monday?'

"Every day is Monday." "Except Friday."

"Oh yes, we expect to replace you very soon. After all, the qualifications for the job aren't much."

"The meeting was canceled after an outbreak of contagious yawning!"

Earl suspends his disbelief.

"I absolutely guarantee your workloads will not increase."

Two doctors holding hands

'I fetch, but it hasn't helped my career any.'

"Oh, I can be dependable, and for another £200 a week, I can be productive too."

"We're still the same, great company we've always been, only we've ceased to exist."