Job Humor Lover Pillows

"I was just going to say, 'Well, I don't make the rules.' But, of course, I do make the rules."

'I hate leaving work when I feel I could have delegated more.'

"I spent all day learning productivity hacks"

"Hold my calls, Kimberly. I'm with a ball of string."

'I'm promoting you to project coordinator because you seem to have an overall view of things.'

'What's wrong now?'

'Does your mother know you keep a messy office?'

'I have much less stress since I replaced my in box with a paper shredder.'

"The company is very keen on diversity, could you reapply as a woman?"

'You'll get five paid sick days, plus an additional two when you're shedding your skin.'

"I made money the old fashioned way. I inherited it."

'What a CV - if you can write memos like this you'll go far in our organisation.'

'You earned this corner office by cutting corners...'

'I'm sure he was a great guy, but there's a new Pharaoh in town.'

'You can drop all the hints you like, Jones. We're not buying you a computer.'

'Stop saying 'how high?' until I say 'jump'.'

'I give this one about three months...'

'One final question: Have you ever been disciplined, investigated or suspended for integrity on the job?'

'Can I call you back, Frank? A giant maggot is eating my desk, people are shooting at me and my hair is on fire.'

"Bill is in charge of our Ethics Department."

'The good news is we're projecting a profit. The bad news is, none of us will be alive then.'

'Say, our stress control seminar worked! Our sales are way down...but so what if they are.'

'I don't like our new copier, it sliced my report into hundreds of tiny strips.'

'We will not kick the can down the road... Does anyone know how to use a can opener?'

'My pessimism keeps me optimistic.'

The World's First Electronic Paperweight

'As a CEO, I stand up for our rights. You've got the right to work 17 hours a day and if you don't do it, I've got the right to fire you.'

"Gentleman I believe I've found a revolutionary new way for us to more productively waste our lives."

"Here comes a client I must speak to. Excuse me while I slip into some jargon."

'You're going to have to work your way up to the ground floor like everyone else.'

"No, I'm not really a CEO. I just like to keep up with the Joneses."

'That's Oog -- he got a haircut and a job.'

Lift buttons read: East Side/West Side/All Around the Town.

'Did you get the hard copy from Mr. Dawson?'

"Do you have a minute, Bob? I'd like to speak with you about the concept of 'leadership'."