Job Humor Fan Pillows

'I need someone who can be solemn while on duty: Are you sure you could handle it?'

'I hope you're not threatened by powerful women, because you're fired.'

"The good news is you’re the only one we’re not firing ... the bad news is you’re the only one to run the department."

"I don't like getting bogged down in details. I'm more of a big-picture guy."

'OK, team, let's review: when the arrow goes down, it means...?

'I'll make my final decision on that promotion of yours, after this game.'

"Fill out an application? Can't I just text it?"

Can do...No can do

"I think I'll be late back for tea. . . about a week."

"I can motivate everyone except myself."

He was destined for greatness. Whatever that meant.

Organization is not rocket science!

The Rubber Ball Company

'Negotiations have reached an impasse, legal recommends we resort to violence.'

'Marsha, did you file the Peterson account on the cumulus, stratus, cirrus, or nimbus cloud?'

"Does anyone here have a clue what it is we used to get?"

Executive ignores wet floor warning and slides down hall

"It's crazy here! They're all on recreational rugs."

A secretary at a desk with a nameplate the says Dot Com.

Woman holds report: 'This has so many different fonts in it, I thougt it was a ransom note.'

"I always like to clear my desk off for the weekend."

'My team likes to see me spring into action.'

'Why are you arguing? The customer is always right, you know! 'But he called you a crook!'

"Good news. It's a small pig."

Quality Control

'By the time I climbed up to this job, I was too tired to do it.'

The little engine that could delegate.

"I don't know what I want, but I do know what I don't want, and I won't know one until I see the other."

"But if you were a real boy you wouldn't be allowed to work such long hours."

"That's actually my phone. When I answer my calls I get a little bit of a workout."

"I started my career as an industrial spy-here."

"Greetings, Earthling - Are you a worker or a drone?"

Now that I finally have an expense account, there's no time to eat.

Loyalty Award

"I've divided my workday into nine manageable segment that are each followed by a brief period of pessimism and regret."