Job Joke Fan Pillows

'He finds it easier to fire people this way.'

"Bill is in charge of our Ethics Department."

"You don't mind the psychometric test, do you?"

"Don't you find her work just so wonderfully liberating!"

"There's another one of those blokes that work from home."

A man is selling, 'Cameron voodoo dolls', outside of job centre.

'I talk the talk but I don't walk the walk.'

Ace Borrowing Company (formerly Ace Loan Company)

Contractor Ants

I have an opening for someone like you. It's called a door.

'If there are any current employees traveling with children or siblings or cousins or nephews or...'

'One good thing about the salary - you won't be liable for income tax.'

'No experience necessary. We'll train you!'

This company has enough clowns.

"The position you've applied for does employ some osmosis."

Well the good news is that you'll be leading the team...And the BAD news...you ARE the team!

"and we have a great incentive plan. The first time your late, your fired"

'C'mon, gimme some extra bucks... I need a raise!'

Getting the Finger

"Never lend money to anyone over 90."

'Before I could tell him about the new puppy, the boss gave me a raise in my clothing allowance.'

"I'm sure we've met before... don't tell me your name... don't tell me..."

"Do you ever feel like you're just here for the paycheck?"

"Sorry, but we're looking for someone with more experience."

"Any other job skills besides whistling while you work?"

'Leadership abilities? Well I was the first to resign from the LAST place I worked!'

'Those who can't hunt, gather -- those who can't hunt OR gather, teach.'

'Disorganized Crime.'

"Why hire me? Because I have a passion for selling toilet cleansers."

'Don't look at me that way, I am allergic to being eaten.'

'Good morning boys and girls. Today's lesson is 'running'...sounds simple, but humans make it much more complicated!'

"The level of turnover is making recruitment harder than we anticipated...."

Superior Salesman Required - I believe their products are rubbish.

'That's Lloyd from accounting. He has lived his own personal recession for years.'