Reader Of Confessions Gifts

"I write mostly confessional non-fiction."

Priest's 'To do' list.

True confessions.

"Believe me when I tell you that I'm not that honest."

Tell me about it--last night I ate a whole sleeve of Communion wafers.

'Don't believe everything you read in the papers!' (Vicar to lady reading the war cry).

'Father James, I slept with Father Henry from next parish... Is that a sin?' - 'Of course!! You belong to my parish!'

'You always talk about robbing Peter to pay Paul, but you never mention Mary.'

"The truth serum made you say some very hurtful things."

'Next time you hear confession from that barmaid say, Tut-tut not COR.'

'Someday I'm going to tell you all of the things I've done right.'

'I'll tell her all about this when she gets home.'

'Don't get me wrong, the Church is glad to hear your confession of improper contributions, but only the I.R.S. can grant absolution.'

This Saturday 10:30 Confessions of a Window Cleaner, Doctor, Nurse, Policeman, Shop Worker, Lollipop Lady, Butcher, Baker, Housewife, Schoolboy...

Admissions lady: 'I don't take care of myself like I should ... my negligence probably killed a guy once ... I'm secretly attracted to you ...'

Pastoring for Dummies

'Well, for the sake of argument, just pretend you've done something wicked.'

Best Seller of All Times...The Holy Bible:'No fair. You're creating your own readers.'

"Forgive me Father, I'm about to sin."

'I've been disrespectful again, Dad.'

'If you're alone in here, who just said 'Ribbit'?'

"...And I cheated at solitaire...twice."

Multitasking

Priests Play Good Priest, Bad Priest

The Confessional: a bored priest listens to a confession.

"Look, they get really mad when I dig up the garden, so, can you please sign this statutory declaration..."

'Assume your positions - let's bring these Humans TO THEIR KNEES!'

Priest says to man in confessional: 'Blah-de-blah ... come on, get to the good stuff!'

"We always see a spike after April 15th."

'...But I confessed to Oprah...isn't that in there?'

'You can lead a horse to water, Ezra, but you can't...?'

"What's this, a confession written in code. . .?"

"What a listener. My burden feels lighter already."

True confession

"Clark...is there something you'd like to tell me?"