Reader Of Confessions Pillows

"I write mostly confessional non-fiction."

Priest's 'To do' list.

True confessions.

"Believe me when I tell you that I'm not that honest."

Tell me about it--last night I ate a whole sleeve of Communion wafers.

'Don't believe everything you read in the papers!' (Vicar to lady reading the war cry).

'You always talk about robbing Peter to pay Paul, but you never mention Mary.'

'Father James, I slept with Father Henry from next parish... Is that a sin?' - 'Of course!! You belong to my parish!'

"The truth serum made you say some very hurtful things."

'Someday I'm going to tell you all of the things I've done right.'

'Next time you hear confession from that barmaid say, Tut-tut not COR.'

Admissions lady: 'I don't take care of myself like I should ... my negligence probably killed a guy once ... I'm secretly attracted to you ...'

This Saturday 10:30 Confessions of a Window Cleaner, Doctor, Nurse, Policeman, Shop Worker, Lollipop Lady, Butcher, Baker, Housewife, Schoolboy...

'I'll tell her all about this when she gets home.'

'Don't get me wrong, the Church is glad to hear your confession of improper contributions, but only the I.R.S. can grant absolution.'

Pastoring for Dummies

'Well, for the sake of argument, just pretend you've done something wicked.'

Priests Play Good Priest, Bad Priest

"Forgive me Father, I'm about to sin."

"Look, they get really mad when I dig up the garden, so, can you please sign this statutory declaration..."

'I've been disrespectful again, Dad.'

Multitasking

'If you're alone in here, who just said 'Ribbit'?'

The Confessional: a bored priest listens to a confession.

"...And I cheated at solitaire...twice."

'Assume your positions - let's bring these Humans TO THEIR KNEES!'

Priest says to man in confessional: 'Blah-de-blah ... come on, get to the good stuff!'

Confession Ratings.

"What's this, a confession written in code. . .?"

"What a listener. My burden feels lighter already."

'You can lead a horse to water, Ezra, but you can't...?'

'...But I confessed to Oprah...isn't that in there?'

"Clark...is there something you'd like to tell me?"

True confession

"We always see a spike after April 15th."