Ranching Gifts

"No one is making you do anything you don't want. I'm just saying we're all headed for Dodge City and we think you should come along."

'Pay back time on the ranch'

"Hello, son. I suppose chicken farming doesn't seem so bad now."

"Oh God, yes! I've been a bad cow! Such a bad, naughty cow! Again! Yes!"

"First we get a bunch of cows."

"For economy of scale I'm thinking we should drive two cows to dodge city.''

'Chronic idiopathic progressive malnutritional hypophagia of environmental origin?'...

'Old Doc gets tired after a hundred head or so, and we try to help him out.'

"At this time, we would like to welcome all platinum priority members to board."

'You know, Doc, we always do our own dehornin' and castratin' here, but we thought we'd give you a chance this time.'

'I still want to be a cowboy.'

'Down a few volts yet Harry!'

'Lord, we thank thee for the bounty we're about to receive.'

"I'm coming - I just need some 'me' time."

'Hey partner, you're building your brand with stolen content.'

'I don't know about you, Clyde, but I'm getting a mighty uneasy feeling we could be riding straight into an ambush interview!'

'I love herd mentality, don't you?'

"I've decided to replace the sod floor with tile."

Father & Son Bulls

Tattoo removal - cow has 'Eldorado rance' on his backside.

"Yippee - I - O. Over?"

''E's going for the 'double'!'

'Can't understand all this fuss over cattle growth hormones.'

Happiness is doing what you love!"

Horse Branding

Damn!

"Tell us again how you took five thousand head out to Kansas City and made it back in time to pick up the kids from gymnastics."

'Yep, this is quite a spread you've got, Bobbie Joe!'

'No, I own the cattle. He's the vet!'

'I guess everything's okay, doc, two legs is showing, one out of each hole."

'Ain't no lonelier life than being a free-range chicken boy.'

"But she'll come down eventually, and she'll come down hard."

"You're kidding! I thought it was one-bandolier Friday."

'I told you the electric fence would come in handy.'

Branding Turnabout