Ranching Pillows

"No one is making you do anything you don't want. I'm just saying we're all headed for Dodge City and we think you should come along."

'Pay back time on the ranch'

"Hello, son. I suppose chicken farming doesn't seem so bad now."

"Oh God, yes! I've been a bad cow! Such a bad, naughty cow! Again! Yes!"

"For economy of scale I'm thinking we should drive two cows to dodge city.''

"First we get a bunch of cows."

"I'm coming - I just need some 'me' time."

"At this time, we would like to welcome all platinum priority members to board."

'Chronic idiopathic progressive malnutritional hypophagia of environmental origin?'...

'Down a few volts yet Harry!'

'You know, Doc, we always do our own dehornin' and castratin' here, but we thought we'd give you a chance this time.'

'Hey partner, you're building your brand with stolen content.'

'Old Doc gets tired after a hundred head or so, and we try to help him out.'

'I still want to be a cowboy.'

'Lord, we thank thee for the bounty we're about to receive.'

"I've decided to replace the sod floor with tile."

Father & Son Bulls

Tattoo removal - cow has 'Eldorado rance' on his backside.

"Yippee - I - O. Over?"

'I love herd mentality, don't you?'

"You're kidding! I thought it was one-bandolier Friday."

'No, I own the cattle. He's the vet!'

How Cows Psych Themselves Up

"Tell us again how you took five thousand head out to Kansas City and made it back in time to pick up the kids from gymnastics."

'Hey, buddy, this is a cattle subdivision.'

"But she'll come down eventually, and she'll come down hard."

Horse Branding

'Can't understand all this fuss over cattle growth hormones.'

"Well...from what I can remember, your father looked a bit like a turkey baster."

Don't worry, the first 30 years of working with dairy goats are the hardest.

'I used to love the wild abandon of the old stampedes.'

'I guess everything's okay, doc, two legs is showing, one out of each hole."

Damn!

''E's going for the 'double'!'

Branding Turnabout