Railway Sage Gifts

The subway-delay prophet of doom

The experienced backpacker.

'Unbelievable: My cowboy expects me to drop everything and come running when he whistles...'

'Anything you can compute I can compute better. I can compute anything better than you.'

Jack Finds The Giant Grilling At His Giant Grill

He can identify a fly taken by a trout at fifty yards range.

"So have you ever stopped to ask yourself: If he really knew the secrets of the universe, would he be living in a damn cave?"

'This software package can cut your workload in half. Do you want to purchase two copies?'

"How can anyone remember Cheech and not remember Chong?"

'Ere-we distinctly asked for SAM an' Ella!'

Wherever You Go, There You Are - Next Exit.

'This has a great ending...he shoots her.'

'Do you think you can turn the company around without making us all dizzy?'

'Fred's opinion of crab grass is if you can't beat it, join it.'

"Kevin's job as a train announcer seriously affected his love-life..."

"Don't worry Sir, you're not the first person to ask for a refund and you probably won't be the last!"

"Conjoined twins were born in a bed on a passenger train. They were separated at berth."

The chip - Loyal worker, tireless teacher, friend

'It appears to be a blog clog.'

"Well the good news is that the new software analysed hundreds of thousands of potential customers to identify any that would have a genuine interest in the product. . ."

'Found it ... Good heavens! It's the size of a soccer ball!..'

'This is where it gets tricky. I see 3 alternate endings and a director's cut.'

This one needs re-booting!

If Kitschy Film Dialogues Were Really Realistic. . .

Heavenwood

Computer announces to user: 'You now have more files than Al Capone had under his pillow in Alcatraz.'

"Meaning of life? Oh, you want my brother. Third mountain over on my right. Me, I'm just a hermit."

Trainspotters.

Accident

'It was Bob's last wish to spread his ashes on the spot where he spent most of his athletic career.'

Jesus Saves

"If you don't want to know the score..."

'Your Dell went to hell.'

Red Indians patiently waiting for what they think is television to be switched on, on an American locomotive.

"Yes, I've seen a few changes."