Railway Guard Gifts

A Woman and Boy on a Train.

'Excuse me, which way to platform 10?'

"He likes it."

dog vs UFO...

'Gerry just can't seem to relax on holiday.'

The Bearskin Hat Family

'You must be Jimmy's father . . .'

Latest Railway Marvel.

"Don't worry. If we're too late, we can always catch the secondary screening."

"Boy, the kids are growing up so fast!"

"Why do small children ask so many questions?" "Why not? We need to learn, don’t we? Anyway it’s no big deal is it? Isn’t that what parents are for? You were probably the same, weren’t you? So why complain?"

'I'm getting some unusually high readings around you.'

The next fast train has gone.

The proper way to wear your mask

You thought YOU hated YOUR job?

"We like to think he's experimenting with color and form, but his art therapist suggested we're not giving him enough candy."

"They call me the king of railroad salvage - 'they' being my wife, actually."

'They're out there, they swallow your stuff, and who're you gonna call?'

An old gentleman speaking with a shoeblack at a train station

"We've given it a great deal of thought and we decided we're going to give in to everything you want at all times."

Ticket machine costing an arm and a leg.

"You can't just put on the uniform whenever you don't want to have a conversation, Barry."

'The king wants a gesture, not a jester.'

'Arrivals and Departures - this railroad governed by Heisenberg's uncertainty principle'

Coupler Counselling

Train Driver Dad's Bedtime Story

"Please mind the gap between the train timetable and reality."

Crossing Guard to rabbit at Deer Crossing: 'Not so fast, buddy - you don't look like a deer to me!'

Limbo Day at the Palace

"My wife isn't speaking to me."

'It's so called because I expect the ticket prices to rocket!'

Bashful Royal Guard

Press spy infiltrates Buckingham palace dressed as a guard.