Radio Broadcaster Pillows

'The cuts have really hit radio hard.'

It was the easy listening that the free range sausages seemed to find most soothing.

'We're half way through the nostalgia hour...but I genuinely feel it's not as good now as it was when we started.'

"The cost of HS2 was 115 billion, but that was when we started the interview. It's 130 now!"

"The disc jockeys creep me out, but you can't deny that they play great music..."

'Well Mr Salmond why have you continued to pursue the very unpopular wind turbine policy all over Scotland?'

'So...do you think Alan Jones will die of shame?'

'I'm running into lots of trouble with my ambition to be a shock jock.'

Man in office listening to portable radio.

'That was 'Yesterday in Parliament' . . .'

PBS is next

'I don't know why you bother listening to the weather forecast every day: It's always the same...'

Feelings towards radios #2 Picket signs with pictures of radios on them

"Joe's cereal. NPR co-approved."

Operating Room

"I caution everyone to avoid taking the first field reporter job that comes along."

This is Lenny the leopard with the on-the-spot news.

News: Deaths! Deaths! Deaths!

"Think of it as buying in – not selling out."

'If only every year was an election year.'

"And now here's Cathie with the hypothetical portion of the news."

Dialogue

'We interrupt this programme for a sex flash.'

"I love it when you use your 'All Things Considered' voice."

"As some of you may have guessed I got yesterday's sunburn factor wrong!"

"This just in: one of us always tells lies; the other always tells the truth. Who's who? Stay tuned."

"It's Dr. Sadie. Go ahead, caller." "Yeah, how come you haven't said 'Merry Christmas' yet?" "Oh, that’s because I was hoping to provoke everyone who’s upset about the so-called 'war on Christmas' to spend all their time on hold waiting to castigate me. That way, all the normal people who don’t think Christmas is just another chance to play the victim can open their gifts in peace." "You're welcome, America." "Why haven't you played 'Jingle Bells' yet?"

"That concludes our broadcast day. Go to bed."

Local News in Heaven

'Och lye the news'

"Reports that AI is planning a world takeover are greatly exaggerated."

Pre-Television Man Caves

"New studies show that the so-called 'lucky man' made popular by the prog-rock band Emerson, Lake and Palmer was, in fact, just very well-connected."

"Hang in there everyone—we promise a cute animal story at the end."

Malcolm Sargent