Broadcaster Pillows

Sportscasters on the Savannah

"Coming up on BBC Radio Four, I'm Dorries I haven't a clue."

Melvyn Bragg.

"I'm sorry- I was wrong."

"Here's what went wrong today."

"The new manager hasn't much experience of radio production"

'Relax. This is only a test.'

News presenters read inane text messages from viewers: 'And a text from Stuart in Gloucester ... HAHAHA DAT CRAKS ME UP!!! LOL!! UR DA GR8EST :-)XOXOX'

'And there you have it, Ladies and Gentlemen: News straight from the horse's mouth...'

'I tried to get into TV journalism, but they told me I had a 'radio face'.'

What he really hoped to be someday was a TV news anchor.

"We're in love.""Details at eleven."

Up-to-the-minute reporting from our man on the street.

'All ready?'

'My job is being cut, I'm being replaced by a podcast,'

'The Dow has shot up 2.5% on positive data on housing - until five minutes from now, when it'll be interpreted differently.'

"We're decreasing the amount of T.V. violence by adding more commercials."

"That concludes our broadcast day. Go to bed."

'If only every year was an election year.'

Local News in Heaven

Emphasis on broadcasters not knowing regions "..correspondent in the welsh capital, Glasgow.."

'After listening to NPR, this jelly donut tastes more like a multi-grain bagel.'

'Live from Seventh Circuit Bankruptcy Court Field!...'

'...And, finally, we have a bit of 'good news'' ... 'I'm sorry, we've lost that portion of our program.'

Sports Radio in Crisis

'We will now announce the winner of the lottery followed by the names of the 4,397,608 losers.'

"And now here's Cathie with the hypothetical portion of the news."

'Coming up next. . . our traffic and weather report.'

"What do I do? I'm a broadcaster."

'That hair! That voice! That suit and tie!...Ralph! Pick up the phone and buy 1000 shares of whatever stock he's talking about!'

'I'm sorry... We seem to be having a problem with our teleprompter.'

'Now, for the world from the street, we go to out embedded reporter...'

'I wouldn't bother going, it'll just be a repeat of the winter meeting.'

"There's nothing much happening tonight... so I'm going to just talk about myself!"

'And they claim there's no culture of bullying...'