Radio Announcer Pillows

Sports Radio in Crisis

You wouldn't believe the screams of joy I hear when I announce a school closing...and that's just the teachers!

"This just in — I no longer have a job."

"At the tone, the time will be fifty-nine minutes and fifty seconds after seven…At the tone, the time will be eight o'clock, exactly… At the tone, the time will be ten seconds after eight… At the tone…."

"I love it when you use your 'All Things Considered' voice."

"I'm new here. How much do we leave for a tip?"

"Let's get ready to bumble!"

Sci-Fi Museum. New Exhibit. H.G. Wells War of the Worlds. In 1938, Orson Welles broadcast "War of the Worlds," a radio drama about aliens from Mars invading earth. The radio drama was presented as a series of fake news reports about devastation caused by the invading aliens. Many listeners turned in to the program mid-roadcast and thought the news reports were real. Widespread panic ensued. Wow! Orson Welles caused all that panic with a radio program. Just imagine what he could have don

"It's Dr. Sadie. Go ahead, caller." "Yeah, how come you haven't said 'Merry Christmas' yet?" "Oh, that’s because I was hoping to provoke everyone who’s upset about the so-called 'war on Christmas' to spend all their time on hold waiting to castigate me. That way, all the normal people who don’t think Christmas is just another chance to play the victim can open their gifts in peace." "You're welcome, America." "Why haven't you played 'Jingle Bells' yet?"

Ask Sadie Advice Hour. What's your problem?! I don't want to vaccinate my kids. But my husband does. What do I do? Excellent question. It reminds me of the time Mother Cohen and Father Cohen were arguing about vaccinating us kids. Father Cohen accused her of being a pawn of the Illuminati's attempt to use diphtheria to mutate us into ape-people. Mother Cohen accused him of being anti-Darwinian. That's when Father Cohen brought up her illicit fling with Chuck Darwin, and all heck broke loose. Um

Non Thought For The Day.

Presenter Auditions.

'For the luxury item I'd like my ipod.'

"Joe's cereal. NPR co-approved."

Day two of our series: America's sleeping pill addiction. My guest, pillhead Rudy Park. I'm not a pillhead. Come clean. Admit the obvious truth. What truth? Rush Limbaugh made you do it! A political pundit never misses an opportunity. You got hooked only after O'Reilly harassed you.

Untold Love Stories. The Shadow and Pollyanna. It's no use, Lamont, you know what evil lurks in the hearts of men and I believe there's good in everybody.

Please stand by. As stocks soar, our announcer is having a fit of the giggles.

"I've been invited to two different thanksgivings...One with family, one with friends, which one do I go to?"

You're on "Ask Sadie." What's your problem?! Super delegates. A candidate could win the most votes in the primaries but lose anyway of the superdelegates want someone else! Can you believe that? Oh stop yer sniveling. In my day, the parties chose candidates in smoke-filled backrooms without even pretending the people get a vote. At least this charade gets you out of the house. Gets the blood pumping. I guess.

Clive Anderson

TV SALES, 'Will the violence chip block out Glenn Beck?'

'The best gig I can get you for your comeback, Lazarus, is DJ in the graveyard slot.'

"Did you hear Sadie's show today?"

Unintelligible speaker at Subway Announcers Dinner.

The Quack Quack Diaries: The Decline And Fall Of Wolfman Quack

"The Treasury is fairly sure that the figures in the budget are correct, they might just not be in the right order!"

You're on, caller. What's your problem?! The Oscars were so very, very boring. You decided to sit in front of your tv for four hours watching rich people give themselves awards. YOU DON'T DESERVE TO BE ENTERTAINED, LOSER! They're coming out with a new show called "Watching Celebrities Cash Their Checks." You'd probably enjoy that. Get professionally berated at asksadie@rudypark.com.

Kidnapping Lord Haw-Haw

"Boss, remember when you told me to start charging Sadie 'studio fees' for operating her radio show in the cafe?" "Well, I've got good news and bad news." "What's the good?" "She's agreed not to resort to violence." "I see. And the bad news?" "On today's 'Sadie Cohen Radio Show': Evil cafe owners who may or may not poison their customers."

Social Media

"The cost of HS2 was 115 billion, but that was when we started the interview. It's 130 now!"

This is great, Ernie, there's a pennant race and the ballpark is packed every day! The food selection here is unmatched anywhere! Today I've already had nachos, a bit of hot dog and some ice cream! Coming here always makes me queasy! Oh, the foods too much for you? No, I just get nervous in a place where the term "sacrifice fly" is used!

'I'm a voice over artist.'

"See! Thousands of new listeners."

"You're on 'Ask Sadie.' What's your problem?!"