Radiation Humorist Gifts

Atomic Bear: Part 16

"His first out-of-body experience."

'According to our statistics department, 78.93 of the statistics they produce are worthless.'

'Teenagers!'

Wolf Danny With "Random""The work must be tantamount to mayhem. Making an insatiable public confused, indifferent, annoyed—this is the premise on which rests my deliberately vacuous oeuvre."

The Solar System (after deregulation)

Indian rajah rowing elephant in a monsoon flood.

"Gee, thanks pal."

"Good Lord! Life on Mars...adorable life on Mars!"

"Frankly, I can't wait until I evolve into a bird..."

'According to creation mathematicians, all of Euclid's theories were originally found etched into rocks.'

"Is it me, or is Jasper Johns a genius?" "Über-genius, Larry. Über!"

Welcome to Mauritius Home of the Dodo Burger

"The universe is expanding! Of course I'm expanding too!"

Chemist builds animals instead of molecular models

"This cruise is getting a very stern review from me, I can tell you."

Non-Creative Writing, Also Known as Plagiarism 101.

"You're calling it love, but it's really just static electricity."

She loves to play with string theory.

When bacteria trash talk to antibodies. Oh yeah?! You and what course of antibiotics?!

"So, like, don't make any big plans for this weekend."

"That's not a knife crime initiative. That's a knife crime initiative!"

"I see the White House didn't lower the flag to half staff."

'I don't think the employees like me.'

"It's just one monkey at one typewriter, but we've given him an infinite need for validation."

'He doesn't like people walking in - try crawling.'

When Love In The Laboratory Turns Sour.

'Mr. Dunbarter, your fantasy that 'greed is good' may be a case of economic insanity.'

'OOO, I've thought of a new one! Two squiggles and a backwards G!'

"I'm starting my own movement—Occupy Fifty-Seventh Street."

"Professor, we need you to stop. The Student Union has decided that the earth is flat."

PET THEORIES

Cell Bar & Grill. Happy Hour All Day. The new owner is an endorphin.

Dr. Saltine, pioneer of salt transplants.

"And now, speaking against the theory of evolution..."