Radiation Humorist Pillows

"His first out-of-body experience."

'According to our statistics department, 78.93 of the statistics they produce are worthless.'

Indian rajah rowing elephant in a monsoon flood.

The Solar System (after deregulation)

Wolf Danny With "Random""The work must be tantamount to mayhem. Making an insatiable public confused, indifferent, annoyed—this is the premise on which rests my deliberately vacuous oeuvre."

"Gee, thanks pal."

"Good Lord! Life on Mars...adorable life on Mars!"

"Frankly, I can't wait until I evolve into a bird..."

'According to creation mathematicians, all of Euclid's theories were originally found etched into rocks.'

"This cruise is getting a very stern review from me, I can tell you."

Chemist builds animals instead of molecular models

"The universe is expanding! Of course I'm expanding too!"

Welcome to Mauritius Home of the Dodo Burger

"Is it me, or is Jasper Johns a genius?" "Über-genius, Larry. Über!"

Non-Creative Writing, Also Known as Plagiarism 101.

She loves to play with string theory.

"You're calling it love, but it's really just static electricity."

'I don't think the employees like me.'

"That's not a knife crime initiative. That's a knife crime initiative!"

"I see the White House didn't lower the flag to half staff."

'Mr. Dunbarter, your fantasy that 'greed is good' may be a case of economic insanity.'

"So, like, don't make any big plans for this weekend."

"It's just one monkey at one typewriter, but we've given him an infinite need for validation."

'He doesn't like people walking in - try crawling.'

'OOO, I've thought of a new one! Two squiggles and a backwards G!'

"I'm starting my own movement—Occupy Fifty-Seventh Street."

"Professor, we need you to stop. The Student Union has decided that the earth is flat."

PET THEORIES

"And now, speaking against the theory of evolution..."

"See? A huge surge in all the major crowdfunding sites right before the Big Bang!"

Dr. Saltine, pioneer of salt transplants.