Racing Food Fan Gifts

'It's supposed to look and smell greasy.'

"The menu just says fried fish, but may I give you a more compelling, surprisingly lyrical description?"

'Now that's what I call a kebab... a skewer with whole pies!'

Race track - with the race being to apply the white lines between lanes

"Two burgers, two fries, two martinis—and we'll have those to go."

'Yes, I am impressed at how fast you got here, but where's my pizza?'

"If you think I ride too fast, Susan...just say so!"

"Number 2. Step forward please."

'I made your favorite for dinner — pterodactyl nuggets!'

OFA. Onion Farmer of the Year. I told myself I wasn't going to cry ….

'How can he be depressed when all he eats are Happy Meals?'

Local food for local consumption

The polar olympics

The proper term for our special promotion is Triple Cheeseburger with a Gazillion fries...not the triple bypass special!

"Is the garbage fresh?"

'Fred is a social conservative -- he believes in slow food and heavy beer.'

The miracle of 2-for-1 pizza.

'Bunfight at the O.K corral.'

"Bob, you're just not selling me on you essential hamburgerness."

'The two-pounds-burger menu includes chips, a large drink and an arteriosclerosis treatment.'

Sushi Train Spotters

Supermarket Aisles: 'Good for the Environment' and 'Couldn't give a flying F@$#! about the environment!'

The Good Feud Guide - 'Delia Smith does a nice roasted Worrall-Thompson.'

Mitch Lee, kung-fondue master.

"You know, it really wasn’t that bad."

'You'll love this, it has no nutritional value.'

"Everybody's doing quinoa—at least Kamut still has a nice grainier-than-thou quality."

Formula One car origami

Vegetables VS Junk Food.

Now all meals contain 'Enzymate' for fast digestion.'

Sisyphus Pizza

'I didn't have time to hunt'

"They're marinated in hot water for six hours."

"So that's a triple burger with added cheese and relish... Would you like the complementary angioplasty with that?"

The Bagel Wheel Derby.